work 3 days a week with long hours VS work 5 days a week with short hours

hey guys, please help me. thank you in advance!!!

Most modern people have a busy and abustle life. They want to do very well, and they also want to get more rest. How do they balance their personal life with their job? Some suggested that people work only three days a week with long hours instead of working five days a week with shorter hours. Form my perspective, working three days a week is better than resting two days a week. My arguments for this point of view are listed as follows.

First off, for resting four days a week people can get more free time. Working three days a week can improve the quality of people's life. Because of free time, they can do whatever they want to do. They can improve their professional skills from school or learn some new content by themselves. They have more time to enjoy their life, to travel some beautiful places and communicate with family members. They work more efficiently than those who work five days a week because they have more time to release their pressure.

And, furthermore, because of working three days, the problems of the traffic jam and the employment can be both solved. As we all know, traffic congestion is a problem for modern people today. In Beijing, for example, people need to spend two or three hours on the road. It wastes a lot of time and makes people tired and upset. Working three days people go to work not at the same time, and that will reduce the number of cars on the road.

At the last, because people have short working days, employers should hire more employees to work. The data show that people work three days that the employment rate will increase thirteen percent. Thus, it will solve the problem of employment.

In conclusion, working three days a week with long hours can bring many advantages than working five days a week, such as more free time, more smooth traffic, and higher employment. We need to work hard, but more importantly we need enjoyable life.

Hello,

I have some suggestions on re-writing a few of your sentences. I hope this helps!

You can rewrite this sentence:


Here is my suggestion:

First off, individuals gain additional free time with four days off per week.

Here is another sentence you can rewrite:


In conclusion, working three days a week with longer hours carries many advantages over the traditional five day work week. These advantages include additional free time, smoother traffic flow, and higher employment.