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Work during GAP Year; Good or Bad?

reckless 1 / 1  
Aug 21, 2013   #1
Getting used of working while going to school earns students many prosperities and it expand their view towars the life.Sometimes , it can create hardships for students have to deal with both their lessos and jobs .Still,they can turn this problem into an advantage.─░ntensity in their life makes them more disciplined and systematic and also mature in accordance to their mates.In this text we will deal with what working in while going school provide students with.

To begin with,many families bother to make their living .Sometimes they can not provide children with enough materials necessary for their education.This make some students find jobs to support family budget or their education life .They face with troubles to do both things at the same time .But still, taking responsibility and not laying all expensenses to their family contributes them to develop in mental way.They begin to perceive the world bigger than their age .

Compared with their peers ,we observe that working students become more disciplined and regular .They programme their life according to the time of their duties .For instance , they study their lessons in time and do not live it tomorrow.At the weekend ,they work and earn their money.This settled life progress their skills and they become more decisive ,prospering ,contrary to the belief that working students can not accomplish anything.

Another advantage provided by working is that students can not bother to enter in business sector.As they are used to it and they are experienced ,finding job can be easier for them .Also,they can possesses qualities and skills wanted and their experience put them into an advantegous place and so process of being admitted the job speeds up.Those people are employed and make their living even if they fail in university exam , with the money they earn ,they join a course and create potentialities to enter the exam again.

All in all,we all acknowledge that life is compelling and it needs to struggle .Working in early age helps student seize the life ,take responsibilty and realize the sorrowful truth of life early .Those students provide plus money for both for their family and themselves and they can become more determined ,systemtic and successful and can not become frail .This success follows them in their acadenic ,social and private life .Foremost advantage is that they do not let anybody or any obstacle impede them because they have learnt to resist towards life since their early age
fahadbd 25 / 56 5  
Aug 22, 2013   #2
Getting used to working while going to school earnsgains students many prosperities and it expands their view in life. getting used to working during school years, students gain work experience which helps them expand their views..
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Sep 14, 2013   #3
Sorry for being late to provide you with my comments. Before everything, I have a few requests for you that may also help you earn more feedbacks. Include the purpose of writing (IELTS, TOEFL,GRE etc.) in your topic in the subject field and then open your essay in the Writing Feedback forum. Also, include the prompt in your essay so that others get a clear idea as to what it requests.

I guess this is an IELTS or TOEFL essay. If so, follow this structure;
Introduction - Introduce your prompt and state your opinion
Body Paragraph 1 ; 1st Reason for your opinion + Specific example to support it
Body Paragraph 2; 2nd Reason + Example
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Sep 21, 2013   #4
Getting used of working while going to school earns students manyprosperitiesbenefits and it expands their view toward s the life.

... you should be careful about using synonyms. Although they have similar meanings their usage may be very different. For example, smile and laugh may sound similar, but used to describe two different meanings. You smile at a person, which is a pleasant thing. You laugh at a person, which is rude or rather unpleasant. So, don't use synonyms if you are not sure about their usage.

Overall, you have good ideas. But need to work on grammar and vocabulary.

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