Work place or research updates will help universities in showing direction to educate students

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?

Basically universities should focus extensively on giving access to practical and real time industrial knowledge. Any information which is completely understood is called Knowledge when it is experienced called Realization. Thus, I strongly believe that universities should design their courses based on modern research and skills needed in the workplace.

Firstly, every university has many departments, these departments have different courses and these course's have enormous amount of data or information in different faculties. So, practically it is impossible for any university to educate students with all the information in particular course or field. For Instance, In Physical Science department there are many topics like Light, Sound, Magnetism, Electricity, Nano Science, Quantum Theory etc. Based on recent updates most of the physics research these days is highly focused on Quantum Theory or Theory of Everything. Research on Sound or Electricity is obsolete.. I mean rather than focusing on out dated topic universities should help students mostly on recent research.

Secondly, Business Programs all over the world are mostly preferred by employee's from diverse fields. Employee's can be from Food Industry, Software Industry, Automobile Industry and Construction Industry. So, universities should function based on the recent work place requirements in these industry which might help students invariably to update their knowledge. For example, renowned psychologist Daniel Goleman's ground breaking New York best-seller "Emotional Intelligence" was an unknown subject before 1995. However, every top-class university has included his topic "Emotional Intelligence" into business course curriculum.

Therefore, giving knowledge for it's own sake by university might be obsolete without including recent break through. Work place or research updates will help universities in showing direction to educate students or employee more on specific topic, no body can drive a car by reading books it is a practical experience. Thus, universities must strongly focus on giving practical, relevant, research and work place knowledge.

What is the connection between your first sentence and the second? I find the second sentence is disturbing your flow :(


these departments are meant to teach different disciplines


What is the real reason here? It is that universities should have more focus on teaching more relevant subjects. So, you need to stress that clearly in the first line of this paragraph itself. Then support it with the example.

I will improvise, thanks a lot pahan, if you don't mind could you answer my questions below
Am I capable of scoring above 7 bands in writing? Could you tell me precisely what is more important in ielts writing. What's my weakness in writing?

Hi shiva,
I am not the best person to talk about scoring. Try this link where they give the descriptions about scoring and you may get an idea where you stand;

ielts.org/PDF/UOBDs_WritingT2.pdf
I think you need to improve on the structure ... I don't say you its really bad, but you need to improve on. I hope dumi would advise you on the structure - the one she suggests is very logical and easy for you to follow.

yes...here I am :D
Ok...let's attend to the introduction first.

dumi
Hi dumi, hope i have followed you. Thanks a lot in advance, feeling good to see your help.
Knowledge is the source of intelligence or awareness. Any work can be learnt only through practical experience, i mean you cannot learn driving just by reading numerous books or by hearing lecture's on it.

Similarly, reading academic books or listening to daily lecture's in a university will not help students to excel.
Every graduate finally aims to work, no theory can help you while working unless you apply the concept and experience the result of it. Thus, I strongly believe universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace.

Okkkkkk .... let see :)


... Well, your first line is your hook and as Pahan said above it needs to be very catchy . Also it should be well aligned with your topic too. You attempt to say something great, but it doesn't deliver much meaning :(

Let's take the next few lines;


This too do not follow what I suggested. Once you get a strong entrance to your essay, you quickly need to introduce the topic to the reader. So, now you need to introduce the argument and show that it is important to discuss.


.... this is done well.... this is firm and clear :)
Let me suggest you a sample introduction;
"Knowledge is Power", said Sir Francis Bacon acknowledging its importance to mankind. ....(hook)
The universities play an important role in delivering such knowledge to people. (this sentence is to align the hook with the topic)
Some believe that universities should focus more on providing students with knowledge that is more career related while others are of the view that universities should not deviate from their primary objective of delivering knowledge for its own sake, irrespective of whether they are career focused or not. (background)

However, I strongly believe universities should provide students with the knowledge and skills that are more career focused. ...(. your position)
Hope you get this clear now :)

Hi dumi thats correct!!
How about other paragraph's and more importantly conclusion paragraph, could you explain me about them.
Can you post some essay which is well organised or kind ideal one to look at?

Hi dumi,
Anyways once again thanks a lot to dumi and pahan, that was a great learning experience. I will try to present my essay better next time.