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Work and travel for a year? - do not forget to read enough books and improve your knowledge


GaziF 2 / 7 1  
Aug 27, 2014   #1
In some countries young people are encouraged to work and travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.


There are some young people who prefer to work or travel to some country instead of entering university after finishing school. Even though they have several reasons for doing so and may gain huge advantages, still, taking a break from studies from studies also carries some drawbacks.

Many young people want to study at universities, no matter whether they are situated in their home country or abroad. However, to archive this goal they often face with financial problems to pay for their tuition fees at universities. Apparently, having a good paid job they can save enough money to continue their education. This is true mostly in undeveloped and developing countries.

In the same way, there are young people, especially from developed countries, who can allow themselves to travel around the world. By travelling to other countries they can get a huge life experience which would be useful for their future studies. In addition, if a young man wants to develop his/her language skills of the country where he/she wants to study, living abroad for one year is also a good option.

However, one of the disadvantages of not entering university after finishing school is that some people can change their mind during one year of working or travelling. They tend to think that they are able to make a carrier without higher education, and as a consequence, they refuse to be a student and get a university diploma. Besides, as they start getting to forget some knowledge gained at school, they might not have enough time to prepare for university entrance exams.

In summary, I think that it is possible for young people to work and travel for one year before entering university, if they work hard and do not forget to read enough books and improve their knowledge in order to enter university.

Pyon9x 11 / 24 9  
Aug 27, 2014   #2
Even though theytaking a gap year may have several reasons for doing so and may gain huge advantages , still, taking a break from studies from studies also carries some drawbacks.

the topic asks you to Discuss the advantages and disadvantages, it is a kind of balanced argument, so i think you should not state your own opinion here or else you could lose the task achivement score

if i were you, i would simple end my intro with "the benefits and drawbacks of gap year will be carefully examined in this essay."

besides, i think you should divide the body into 2 para, one of which discuss the drawbacks and another is for the benefits
i thinnk you should look for the overall outline for the task before beginning to practice writing
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Aug 27, 2014   #3
Some constructive criticism for you to consider :-) There are tremendous amounts of grammatical errors in this paper that would get it an automatic failing grade if it were submitted to the professor at this point. Please get a dictionary and look up the words that you used because you used the wrong words in certain sentences. Take for example carrier when you obviously meant career. You have very good opinions on the topic being discussed but the lack of proof reading, editing, and grammatical errors overshadow your intelligent discussion. Fix the grammatical errors and the essay will become better :-)
Ayman Hussien 1 / 7 1  
Aug 27, 2014   #4
i think that there are also some advantage in travelling, that you can know more about the culture of the people in this country, and you can apply for a higher school study if you like the life style there.
OP GaziF 2 / 7 1  
Aug 27, 2014   #5
Thank you! That's why I'm here, so that you helped me with my gramar errors. I would be very grateful if you help me!
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Aug 28, 2014   #6
There are some young people who prefer to work or travel to some country instead of entering university after finishing school.

- ... after finishing high school...

Even though they have several reasons for doing so and may gain huge advantages,

- mention a few advantages in general at this point to show the succeeding flow of discussion.

taking a break from studies from studies also carries some drawbacks.

- - you mentioned from studies twice. Remember to review your paragraphs for redundancies

having a good paid job they can save enough money to continue their education.

they believe that having a good paying job before attending university will help them save money for their education. (A little problem with the sentence structure)

useful for their future studies

- useful in ...

if a young man wants to develop his/her language skills of the country where he/she wants to study, living abroad for one year is also a good option.

- if a student wants to further develop his language skills before enrolling in a foreign university, living abroad for a year prior to enrollment will help the student gain that experience and language training.

However, one of the disadvantages of not entering university after finishing school

- after finishing high school...

They tend to think that they are able to make a carrier without higher education

- career . (You are getting your words confused at this point. Having a dictionary handy for reference will help you understand word meanings and differences)

as they start getting to forget some knowledge gained at school,

I hope my grammar suggestions will help you further improve upon this essay. Like I said before, your work is good. It just needs to be revised to a certain degree in order to make it shine. If you can present a longer discussion of your personal opinion on the topic, then that will also help with the further improvement of the paper.

Good luck :-)
OP GaziF 2 / 7 1  
Aug 28, 2014   #7
Vangiespan, thanks a lot, now I can see my mistakes. Actually, I know that my grammar is horrible, so I hope for your futher assistance with my essays :)
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Aug 28, 2014   #8
GaziF, I will be very happy to guide you with your other essays. Just remember that the secret to a well written essay is reviewing and editing. That is how you catch the errors that you made and correct yourself along the way. Don't forget to continue reading English material as well. The more familiar you become with the language's written structure, the more polished your own writing will become :-)
OP GaziF 2 / 7 1  
Aug 28, 2014   #9
Vangiespan, good advises, try to put them into practice.

P.s. I'm new here, but this is an awesome forum!


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