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TOEFL: working alone appears to be better. It helps us to be more responsible.


lephuc 3 / 10 3  
Oct 11, 2014   #1
Our work describes the way we are. In order to work as effectively as possible, people practice myriad ways of working. Although team working is regarded as the best way of exercising for many people, in my view, it is better to work alone. The bases for my view are realistic, personal and social.

First of all, my initial reason is about reality. Working alone helps us to speed everything up. One does not need to worry about people around. While working alone, you know your targets and you just have to keep your steps straight. It is also clear that working in teams may destroys brilliant ideas from a person who is not very self-confident. So doing myself gives us an opportunity to fashions our ideas sharply.

From a personal perspective, working alone is easy. Since everyone has a unique way of practicing, debating may happens while working together. In addition, bad mood from some people could affect the whole team. On working alone, you control your manner and your qualities, so you can keep moving forward deliberately.

Socially-speaking, working alone makes people more independent. Since everyone has his own job, no one could count on someone else. It also makes an individual become more thorough by letting him finish a complete work with all of its aspects. Only in this way are we able to become proficient in our specialized fields.

Yet both two ways are always primary, working alone appears to be better. It helps us to be more responsible. Therefore we are to realize and accept our roles, duties and importance in this challenging world.

gbekil 7 / 17 2  
Oct 11, 2014   #2
I think your reasons are pretty good, but supoortings are poor.
Moreover, there are a lot confusing factors which makes the reader unsure about your saying. For instance, subjects; you started with "I" and then you

continued to use "we" ıt makes the readers confused.
Your conclusion included new ideas but in conclusion you can rephrase the thesis with your main reasons.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 11, 2014   #3
lephuc, even though you did not provide a prompt for the essay, I can clearly read the implied prompt and the method by which you will be discussing the essay. Your point of view is also quite evident and I applaud you for letting us know exactly how you will be discussing the paper. You made it clear from the very start that this will be a personal opinion essay so we will not expect an opposing argument to appear in it. That said, there are a few grammatical and sentence structure errors that need to be addressed. These are as follows:

First of all, my initial reason is about reality. Working alone ...

- Since you did not continue the numerical count for your reasoning in the succeeding paragraphs, you should not have started using it. Always discuss in a direct manner in order to save time and valuable character or word count.

- My initial reason is based upon reality. A person who works alone works faster. He does not need to worry about his team mates or assistants making mistakes that could slow him down. He knows his objective and works with the sole purpose of meeting that objective. Team work tends to muddle the ideas of people, specially the non-confident ones. So by working alone, the non-confident person builds his ideas and proves his theories to himself and to others.

From a personal perspective, working alone is easy. Since everyone has ...

- This is an under developed sentence. You need to develop the ideas more in order to prove that your personal perspective is based on an acceptable reason. Also, you mimic the same reason as your first one which is based on reality. So it is not an effective line of reasoning and should be replaced.

Socially-speaking, working alone makes people more independent. (...)

- Again, you are stating the same reason as the first one. Only in a different manner. Develop a new reason or simply use one reason and build all of these reasons into it. These are all based upon reality and nothing more. So even though you said you were going to discuss three reasons, you actually only discussed one.

Yet both two ways are always primary, working alone appears ...

- Your concluding paragraph is confusing and does not make any sense. You need to revise it in a manner that it will follow the requirements of the conclusion which is restate the prompt and facts then your personal point of view.
OP lephuc 3 / 10 3  
Oct 12, 2014   #4
What you said is pretty precious to me. Thank you so much.
I acknowledge my ideas to be quite confusing but I think my third reason is quite independent from the first one and I think it should be developed more, isn't it?
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 12, 2014   #5
lephuc, develop the essay some more based upon my suggestions, including the third paragraph. Then we can look at whether we can somehow make the reasons sound different from each other instead of just being repetitive ways of saying the same thing. This is just the draft of the essay. There is room to improve the essay. Try out different versions and see which version appeals the most to you. At this point, we are still playing around with the content, not necessarily the grammar. Go ahead and develop the third paragraph, I look forward to seeing how you can develop it.

I know that you can revise this essay properly. I have that kind of confidence in you because you understood the prompt correctly. I'll be here to help you develop this essay to the point where you feel comfortable with the way you have written it. Regardless of the number of revisions you might need. That is how you learn to write a proper essay :-) I look forward to reading the revision soon. Good luck!
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Oct 12, 2014   #6
It is okay to write without any examples. However, it will lead you toward a short essay. My recommendation for you is to supply with some examples.
OP lephuc 3 / 10 3  
Oct 19, 2014   #7
Dear vangiespen and other kind people.
I have developed the essay some more based upon your suggestions. Below are my correction and I hope you can give me some feedback.

(The beginning part remains unchanged.)
My initial reason is based upon reality. A person who works alone works faster. He does not need to worry about his team mates or assistants making mistakes that could slow him down. He knows his objective and works with the sole purpose of meeting that objective. In addition, while working alone, one does not waste time on many things such as arranging meeting, explaining ideas...which can cause a lot of disagreements.

[...]
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 19, 2014   #8
lephuc, you need to concentrate on the revision of your essay. Do not just concentrate on the portions we advise you to change. Concentrate on the overall effect of the revisions to your paper. Make sure that the suggestions we made helped the paper improve and flow more smoothly. Most of all, double check any new errors that may have arisen as you revised the paper. I caught more than one new error that stemmed from the revision you did to the paper but failed to catch. Let me point those out to you right now.

one does not waste time on many things such as arranging meeting, explaining ideas...which can cause a lot of disagreements .

- ... arranging meetings and explaining ideas which can cause a lot of arguments and disagreements which take time away from completing the task.

That means nothing but makes the team apart. In the other hand, one can focus on parts that appeal the most to him when he works on his own. That makes working a favor .

- This divides the team and makes people work on their own, without regard for the team output.

[quote=lephuc]On a social pointview, working alone helps people with responsibility. [ /quote]
- From a social point of view, working alone helps people learn about responsibility.
OP lephuc 3 / 10 3  
Oct 25, 2014   #9
Revised essay:
Our work describes the way we are. People practice lots of ways of working to get the most effectively. Some people prefer working alone and consider it as the best. But I believe that working in teams is better. My opinion is associated with reality, personality and social studies.

First, based upon reality, team-working is effective. When every one takes a single part of a huge work, he works faster because he can choose the part at which he is good or he likes best. In Vietnam, in the teacher honoring season, students do a memorial anthology regarding teachers. When my class take part in, every member can do what he/she loves. I volunteer to write a poem while the others write theme songs or essays. The anthology was completed in a very short period of time. Although our product was not rewarded, we were proud of it and I still remembered my poem up to now. Team working does help in finishing the work rapidly.

On a personal viewpoint, team-working benefits us a lot. When working together, we can learn from others. In my class, when an examination season comes, every one has to learn almost anything written in the books. That makes us must join in groups to help each other. One good at math can learn english skills from another and he, in turn, helps others in improving their knowledge. So in this way we can learn from others what we can not obtain while working alone. In addition, team working teaches me to accept other people. I have to realize others' desires are as important as mine. When I do not feel comfortable with the others, I must keep calm, think deeply and then conquer the disagreements. That gradually matures me in a best way.

Socially speaking, working in teams makes our community more vibrant and interactive. One has skills on team working meaning one has abilities to collaborate with others and become more active as well as self-confident. In addition, one can adapt to commutiny faster due to his skills. My friend used to be a coward one. But when he took part in a soft skills course including team working skill, he became more enthusiastic, more fresh and and more happy. We are all pleased to know that.

To summarize, team-working is valuable based on the preceding arguments. I am of the opinion that we should practice working in team regularly so that it can become a basic skill of every modern citizen.


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