working and studying at home
More and more people choose to work at home and students study from home. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
The rising trend of working and studying at home with the computer technology has become a somewhat controversial issue. There are those who believe that it is a good development, however others think otherwise. I wholeheartedly agree that it is a overwhelmingly positive development.
From an overall perspective, there are two primary reasons why I believe that working from home is beneficial to employees and employers. The sound reason why I am in favour of this idea is that employees and employers can save money. This is because employees do not have to commute. For example, some employees have to pay several hundreds dollar per month, which means a lot for employees wih low salaries. As a result, their saving are probably building up relatively quickly. A further whole point in favour of this notion is that students can nurse someone while studying at home. A good illustration of this is that students who has disabled parents and an 1 year old baby can make and submit homework with the Internet while looking after those people.
Despite these sound arguments, there is also a case fof the idea that working and studying at home with computer advancement lack rigid discipline. This is because it is difficult to supervise either worker or student while being away. As result, some employees will delay their works and some students lose social skills.
In conclusion, working and studying at home are obviously relevant to modern society who can incorporate computer technology. Overall, I would have to say that working or studying at home with computer technology is a postive development because they can save money and nurse someone at home whilst working or studying at the same time despite lack of discipline which can be solve with computer camera and other computer gadgets.
Hello, I went ahead and put in some notes for your paper. #7 counters your argument, but I put a note at the bottom for how you could fix that. Hope this helps!
sound reason why I am ...
2. .., which
means is a lot for employees with low salaries.
3. As a result, their
saving spendings are probably build ing up relatively quickly.
4. A further
whole point in favour ...
5. ... students who
has have disabled parents and or an 1 year old ... homework with on the Internet ...
6. Despite these
sound arguments, there is also an argument case fof the idea that working and ... lacks rigid discipline.
7. ... supervise either
worker employeesor students while being away. ... delay their work s and some ... (This counters your argument completely)
8. ... because
they people can save money and or nurse someone ... of discipline.
**which can be solve with computer camera and ... (change the wording of this and put it by 7 to help your argument)
Hi. You need to read carefully what the prompt asks ( Do you think it is a positive or negative development?). As you chose this as a positive development, your next two body paragraph has to SOLELY explain the reason why it is a good development, but I see your third paragraph has nothing to do with the prompt requirement, plus it is still seemingly incomplete (only two lines). Hence, you will be graded very low in the Task Achievement part.
I highly recommend you search for more information relating to IELTS writing task 2, especially how to better approach kinds of its essay, such as agree or disagree, discuss both views and so on.
Hope it helps.