Please give me some advice how to improve it.
Thanks in advance
Issue 50:"In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculties should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
One of the responsibilities for a college or university is to prepare their students well for careers, which include imparting them knowledge, problem-solving skills and values like fidelity to task, etc. However, after stepping out the campus, they often find themselves freshmen again, as the learning related to their work is so little and they have to start all over. Requiring some professors in certain fields to work outside the academic world for a period of time is a way to improve the situation, whereas applying this requirement to all faculties is unrealistic and meaningless.
A working experience off campus in some relevant fields can let professors know what the society needs, thus update the curriculum. For example, Optics, an undergraduate course for most students of science and technology, is often concerned too much about the theories established centuries ago by Fourier, Helmholtz and Maxwell. Admittedly, these are important indeed, but the problem is that this course talks too little about modern progresses such as laser, nonlinear optics and optical communication, all of which are playing a significant role in the modern life and are crucial for many positions in industry. Students are better prepared if they had at lest a general idea of the state of the art in their fields.
Beside the time gap of knowledge, there is a value gap between the academic world and the industrial world, where is the destination of many graduates. In academic world, professors take little care about economic matters: pursue a pure joy in research, finding what is new and creative. In the industrial world, "we need creativities, but only the useful ones", as the President of the Boeing Company said in a speech (and I paraphrase). A novel technic published in the top scientific journals like Science or Nature may have no practical value at all, merely an interesting inspiration like a piece of art. Additionally, colleges and universities train us to become autonomous and be used to think independently, but in real work, teamwork is needed all the time. Being conscious about these differences will lead to changes in all aspects from teaching materials to the way of teaching and of assessment. For instance, school can offer practical courses whose accomplishments are achieved by a group of students. The design of an electronic circuit or a program should be by graded not only by the academic levels but also considering its competitiveness in the real market. In this way, the school's quality of instruction is really improved.
As the old saying goes "extremes are dangerous", I have to mention that the outside working demand for all faculties is unrealistic and irrational. Teachers in some fields like philosophy and classics are not likely to find a job outside schools easily. On the other hand, spending too much time not on the courses they teaching will of course do harm to the quality and continuity of instruction.
Taking both sides of the coin into consideration, teachers, especially department of engineering or electronics, should be encouraged to have a work experience. But it cannot involve into a compulsory requirement.
One of the strengths of this essay is its nuance. Your distinction between academic fields and the specific examples you give about optics and engineering meet the analytic thinking requirement of the GRE.
What will hurt you is grammar. Many of your sentences are awkwardly phrased. Your grammatical errors are relatively minor -- e.g., you often use the wrong preposition, which is common among people writing in a second language since languages use prepositions very differently, with shades of meaning that are not always perceptible to non-native speakers -- but there are so many of them that, collectively, they lower the writing level of the essay.
Here are some examples:
One of the responsibilities of a college or university is to prepare their students well for careers, which include imparting them knowledge, problem-solving skills and values like fidelity to task, etc.
However, after stepping out of the campus, they often find themselves freshmen again...
A working experience off campus in some relevant fields can let professors know what the society needs, thus updating the curriculum.
...laser, nonlinear optics and optical communication, all of which are playing a significant role in the modern life and are crucial for many positions in industry.
Beside the time gap of knowledge, there is a value gap between the academic world and the industrial world, which is the destination of many graduates.
In the academic world, professors take little care about economic matters: they pursue a pure joy in research, finding what is new and creative.
Recommendation: Brush up on prepositions and articles before taking the test.
