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[IELTS Task 2] Working Parents: Discussing Effects on Additional Income and Parents' Absence


fadh93 6 / 11  
Nov 11, 2015   #1
In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because or their parents' absence.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion


I need some advices for responding these problems. I am afraid that I am not addressing all the problems on the body so my task response will be low.

Nowadays, lifestyle can be so consuming. Some families in middle class society try to catch up that kind of lifestyle. As consequence, the parents of that families decide to work, both of them. Regarding to this, some say that the children will enjoy the additional income while others say that they will lack of the absence of parents. This essay will discuss on both views and try to give opinion about that.

Some people may think that children will enjoy the additional income from their parents. Then, children will have better facilities, such as gadgets, books, accommodations, and etc. So that children will feel more comfortable and easy to live. However, money does not guarantee children's happiness as children need attentions from adult. In addition, children may feel so lonely with all that facilities and try to find attentions from others in both positive or negative ways.

For others who think that working parents will lack of control from parents, this will have benefit and drawback as well. By lack of parents' absence, children will be more independent since they decide everything by themselves. This should be encouraged to prepare our children to face the reality. In contrast, this also may lead to uncontrollable children so that parents do not have ability to give advices or to correct their children's behaviour.

In nutshell, working parents leads to two views to be discussed, namely beneficial effect of additional income and lacking of parent's absence. Children of working parents will benefits better facilities but that facilities does not always define the happiness of children. Therefore, by looking of parents' control, children will be more independent but parents may find it difficult to advise and to control their children. In my opinion, both of parents should work nowadays but they should coordinate each other to take care of children so that parents will show their good ability in parenting.

INA 6 / 14 2  
Nov 11, 2015   #2
Hi Kandrika,
I will give few suggestions about your essay.
In my opinion, it is a good essay. you can explain this topic clearly. But, i find word "may" i think its better if you avoid to use it because it means that you are not sure about it.

and i find a lot of linking words in this essay, it is better if you reduce it.

Some people may think that children will enjoy the additional income from their parents. Then , children will have better facilities, such as gadgets, books, accommodations, and etc. So that children will feel more comfortable and easy to live. However, money does not guarantee children's happiness as children need attentions from adult.In addition , children may feel so lonely with all that facilities and try to find attentions from others in both positive or negative ways.

you use 4 linking words for one paragraph, i think it is overuse.

Nowadays, lifestyle can be so consuming. Some families in the middle class society try to catch up that kind of lifestyle. As consequence, the parents of that families decide to work, both of them. Regarding to this, some say that the children will enjoy the additional income while others saybelieve that they will lack of the absence of their parents. This essay will discuss on both views and try to give opinion about that.

Children of working parents will benefit benefits better facilities but that facilities does not always define the happiness of children.

Therefore, by looking of parents' control, children will be more independent but parents may find it difficult to advise and to control their children.

let me to rewrite your sentence.
Therefore, by looking of the parents' control, children will be more independent but the parents is unable to advice and to control their children


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