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World Wide Web and TV lead to immense influence of people lives then parliamentarians


hasbi 29 / 42 23  
Oct 5, 2015   #1
Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people's lives than politicians.

Which do you consider to be the greater influence?


answer:

Result of survey these days has explained that public media such the World Wide Web and TV lead to immense influence of folk lives then parliamentarians. I firmly agree with the former idea than the latter one. Firstly, this essay will discuss how the media influence people activities and secondly limited information provided by politicians.

It is undoubtedly that mass media playing a huge role around the people lives. This is because media like the internet and television are able to provide various kinds of information and knowledge include social news, economy even political conditions in each country. In addition, it also can extend lots of update news to society which facilitates them to access by mobile phone. Public media nowadays is used celebrities or famous persons to advertise products, which are more influential among the communities. There are proofs that these successful to persuade people.

Furthermore, the government officials are people who have competence in administration sector of a country and they are solely render particular information like public administration conditions even they beguile the society regards on status of a country. In my notion is that because they have wealth and power to manipulate people's actions. Take example in Bangladesh, in 2007 almost two thousand politicians did not nominated in general election retired from political parties due to people were not trusted them. It proves that inhabitants be lost to what the politicians informed. So, this case can lead to political discrepancy.

To sum up, the communities are no longer possible to put credence to government officials who are more often manipulate information and exploit their authority. However, I strongly believe that mass media have enormous impact to persuade people lives.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 5, 2015   #2
Hasbi, not bad at all. Your introduction managed to deliver the salient points of the discussion you were expected to create in the essay. It was a pretty strong opening statement and you managed to defend your stand quite well in the succeeding paragraphs. So what we learned about your English abilities today is that you have reached a point in your English lessons where you can manage to express yourself in an understandable manner most of the time. You still have some misses as you can see in this essay.

While your discussions could have been even better with more proficient use of the English grammar, the essay definitely merits a passing score in terms of comprehension skills and limited English use. Let's try to clean up the essay so you can get an idea as to how you can further improve your writing alright?

ResultS of surveyS these days HAVE explained

HAVE A STRONGER influence ON PEOPLE'S LIVES THAN parliamentarians.

Firstly, this essay will discuss how the media influence people activities and secondly limited information provided by politicians.
- slight problem here. You had everything clear up to the point of people's activities. The second part about the limited information provided by politicians needs a little more clarification. Everything else was alright.

NOBODY CAN DOUBT that mass media PLAYS a huge role IN peopleS lives

knowledge INCLUDING social news, economy , AND even political conditions in each country.

lots of updateS TO news THROUGH access by mobile phone.

Public media nowadays USES celebrities

WHO are more influential among the communities

There are proofs that these successful to persuade people.
- proof what persuades people? Complete the thought process.

conditions BY BEGUILING SOCIETY ABOUT THE status of a country

In my OPINION THAT IS because they

Take FOR example WHAT HAPPENED in Bangladesh . IN 2007 ,

ALMOST TWO THOUSAND POLITICIANS WERE NOT NOMINATED IN THE GENERAL ELECTION BECAUSE PEOPLE DID NOT TRUST THEM/ SO THEY RETIRED.

It proves that inhabitants be lost to what the politicians informed.
- restate what you want to say. This is unclear at the moment

the communities NO LONGER TRUST THE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS BECAUSE THEY MANIPULATE INFORMATION AND exploit their authority

I strongly believe that mass media have enormous impact to persuade people lives.
- Because? Wrap up the summary. Complete the line of reasoning then close it.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 5, 2015   #3
Each time you emulate what I show you in the corrections, you show a talent for improving your writing based upon samples. That is a good thing because you can actually learn how to write better through repetitive actions. Hopefully, as I continue to correct your papers, your brain will continue to absorb the lessons I am sharing with you and eventually, writing the sentences in particular structures will also become second nature to you.

I noticed that you missed a few of the corrections that I made in the first essay. So go back and review the second version. Counter check it with the corrections I suggested the first time. What did you miss? Go back and correct it. Then read the essay again and try to understand what the essay now says and why. Consider if you can still improve the version that you read. Do you think there is still room for improvement in the version I helped you develop?

If you think that the essay still has room for improvement, or if you simply just want to try to write the essay again, then go ahead. Revise the essay or write a totally new version based on the same prompt. Base the new information upon the essay that we revised. That is called paraphrasing. It is one way of learning how to write essays with the same prompt in different ways. That is one method by which you can practice your English sentence structure and development :-)

I hope this exercise can help you develop further :-)


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