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IELTS GT 2 worldwide trend of vegetarianism which supposed to be beneficial to our health


plforielts 4 / 10 5  
Dec 1, 2019   #1
Hi all, it's me again. Grateful for any comments and I'm really not familiar with this topic, how could I perform better if I really encounter some topics that I've never thought of?

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Some people choose to eat no meat or fish.


They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole.

Discuss this view and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should write at least 250 words.

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There is a worldwide trend of being vegetarians as they claimed that this is beneficial to our health, as well as our mother earth. It is worth to understand the points of views from different stakeholders before turning into vegetarians.

Firstly, recent researches show that eating too much meat, especially red meat, would lead to over-nutrition and thus some common modern diseases, such as diabetes and blood vessel blockage. In this connection, more people advocate of being vegetarians for more balanced diets and nutrition. However, I do not recommend relying on vegetables to get all essential nutrition, for instance, some types of amino acids have to be obtained through meat.

Secondly, some point out that growing plants would be more environmental-friendly than animal agriculture because the animals require feeds and produce different types of greenhouse gases. However, I doubt this concept as both industries are not the major sources of greenhouse gases. Industrial activities should be the major cause of it.

Lastly, balance of consuming variety of food should be the key so as for a sustainable development of the world, and for our better health. When people demand for different types of food, there would be less chance to incline in one single type of crop growing or animal feeding. Take our country's policy as example, our government encourages farm rotating to ensure the farming activities would not exploit all the nutrition in the soil at one time. In such way, it could help sustaining the ecology of nature.

(250 words)

mguo 2 / 3 1  
Dec 1, 2019   #2
@plforielts

Hi Good Evening, hopefully some of my feedback is helpful for you, feel free to message me anytime and ask for anymore suggestions.

I think that your arguements are well structured but there is a lack of something to state your opinion in the introductory paragraph, For example in the second and third paragraphs, you wrote about the effects of eating too much meat and the contrasts of relying on vegetables, in paragraph two; you mentioned enviromental friendly benefits and etc. I would try and state your arguements in the first paragraph so that the reader has an idea of what your opinion is.

That is just my opinion, and I would reccoment seeking some other source as well, and taking mine with a grain of salt.

Cheers!
OP plforielts 4 / 10 5  
1 day ago   #3
@mguo
Thank you very much for your comments! Oh yes, I should rephrase briefly about my points in the first paragraph!


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