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Worst criminals in our society. Murderers and their destiny! IELTS task 2


Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Feb 13, 2015   #1
By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilt of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Murderers have always been the worst criminals in our society. They should be punished austerely, otherwise the number of murderers will increase. By providing the death penalty for murderers, our society will be more placid to live in, and that is what we are struggling for. Thus, I absolutely disagree that murderers should sit in the prison, in lieu of being dead.

[...]
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Feb 14, 2015   #2
Hi, Vns9x, I didn't think this one was that convincing. I don't think murderers are more likely to escape and how much bad influence can they have on society if they are locked up away from society's eyes? Maybe you can focus more on the justice issue, giving the victims a sense of peace, avoiding the expense of housing a convict for dozens of years, and capital punishment acting as a deterrent to would-be criminals - you touched on this last point, but only very briefly.

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Murderers have always been the worst criminals in our society. They should be punished austerely, otherwise the number of murderers will increase.{I think this statement needs a little support} By providing the death penalty for murderers, our society will be more placid to live in, {"a more placid place to live in" seems more natural} and that is what we are struggling for. {some graders don't like it when sentences end in prepositions} Thus, I absolutely disagree that murderers should sit in the prison, in lieu of being dead. {this last phrase sounds pretty odd}

Killing an innocent person is a sin, which can never be vanished [erased] {you can't really use "vanish" with an object, unless maybe you are talking about a magician} . If we do not create the death's policy,{"death's policy" is odd and unclear} then more and more people will become murderers. It is quite understandable, since living in a prison is much better than being dead. {this is ok, but it seems like you have to show that murderers are closely weighing the possible penalties before deciding to commit their crimes} If too many murderers [are] in the prison, then they might collaborate and escape from the prison. The likelihood of them being enfranchised {what do you mean by "enfranchised" here? it used to mean freeing slaves, but now it means giving people the right to vote} will be quite high as well. Assume {"assume" does not really work here} yourself, [in] a society with numerous murderers in the prison, obviously, there is a possibility that they might be able to get away. This occurrence can jeopardize our world. As a result, murderers should get what they deserve[, ] which is the death. {this escaping from prison idea is not very convincing to me at all - surely thieves, rapists, and other criminals are just as skilled at escaping from prison as murderers are and are just as likely to work together to escape, right? Plus, most of your paragraph talks about this angle, but this doesn't match your topic sentence}

Aside from the runaway [likelihood], we as human beings have been striving to have a peaceful life for years. Murderers' existence will never underpin {"underpin" is wrong here} our desire, which is to have a proper life. They will only spoil our society in many ways, such as being horrible role models for our kids. Our young generations always look up their elders. So, it is quite imperative to exterminate {"exterminate" sounds overly harsh when talking about people} all the murderer[s ] in this world. For pragmatic instance, there was a kid whose father was a murderer. Apparently, {"apparently" is not a very convincing transition here - it is often used ironically to point out something you don't agree with - "I just read the Republican political party platform. Apparently the best way to help the poor is by raising their taxes."} his father will somehow impact his offspring's mind in a disgusting {"disgusting" sounds a little odd in this context} way. Hence, there is no better punishment rather than death for such type of criminal.

The aforementioned evidences {"evidence" is singular, non-countable} show that, we should not give out our amnesty that easily, since it might affect the quality of our society. Taking all the points into account, I [am] completely against the community which asserts that we have to pardon the murderers and allow them to dwell in the prison. {this sounds like you are offering them a home}


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