For many people, model employee is perfect. I am opposite. It's the worst job in the world.
Models don't do useful things for society. They only wear high fashion clothes to perform on the catwalk. Some girls want to have fashionable clothes, expensive bags and shoes the same as the models. However, they don't have enough money to buy them, so they will do bad and inappropriate things such as they will steal their parents' money or get around rich old men.
For me, being a model is the worst job.
Hi huongkhoi1708!
Your essay leaves me with a number of questions and leaves me wondering if, perhaps, you might be making some assumptions.
An assumption is a thing that someone takes as true even though there may not be good evidence to support the belief. I might assume that I will get a good grade on a quiz even though I didn't study but that assumption could prove to be false. So with the idea of assumptions in mind, let's break down your paragraph:
1. For many people, model employee is perfect. [Here it is unclear whether you are referring to modeling as a business itself or that someone is a model employee (ex: a good employee). Thus, you need to clarify what it is you intend.]
2. I am opposite. It's the worst job in the world. [Here you do clarify that you intend to talk about modeling as a job; however, what are you opposite to? Could you be more descriptive? Why do you feel that modeling is the worst job in the world? Go further to clarify your ideas.].
3. Models don't do useful things for society. They only wear high fashion clothes to perform on the catwalk. [Why is the practice of modeling any less useful than other modes of entertainment (say, acting?). Might you be making assumptions about what models do and the importance of their presence in society?]
4. Some girls want to have fashionable clothes, expensive bags and shoes the same as the models. However, they don't have enough money to buy them, so they will do bad and inappropriate things such as they will steal their parents' money or get around rich old men. [Do you have support for the assertion that models steal or take money from rich old men? If so, could you provide that support? Without evidence to support your opinion, this sentence simply reads like your own opinion and not a well-stated argument. Whenever you want to use an assumption in an academic answer, make sure you provide support for your answer, okay?]
5. For me, being a model is the worst job. [It's good that you have a strong, clear, opinion; however, you should consider supporting that opinion with evidence. WHY is being a model the worst job? What is it worse than? Is modeling worse than collecting trash? ... Worse than acting? Do you see my point? You need to address the WHY of your final assertion.]
Good luck with revising! EF_Season
