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Write an email to community picnic organizer

HanNguyen0510 18 / 40 17  
Sep 18, 2018   #1

Last weekend you attended the Canada Day community picnic. The event was a potluck, so everyone brought a dish of food to share. Some people, including you, have allergies or can't eat some types of food, such as nuts and seafood, so you included a list of ingredients with your dish. No one else did this.

Write an email to the community picnic organizer in about 150-200 words. Your email should do the following things:
-Express your overall enjoyment of last week's event.
-Explain why each potluck dish needs a list of ingredients.
-Describe how the potluck could be differently organized next year.

Dear organizer,

I would like to form my appreciation toward the success of the event last week in which I encountered a friendly community, enjoyed various dishes and enlarged my casual acquaintances. However, as far as I am concerned, people should have been aware of the ingredients in the potluck due to their allergies statement. What mentioned above is my purpose of writing this letter today to reach your noticed.

It is necessary to indicate the list of ingredients in food to avoid an indirect incident. Few people, who participated in the picnic, including me, have sensitive reactions to nuts and seafood. It could lead to some symptoms such as itchy, red, watering eyes; swollen lips tongue, etc. that are possible elements to severe sicknesses. Those consequences could cause the dissatisfaction with the event.

To lay an active picnic next year, I recommend stating a list of possible allergy components on the potluck to make an advisory for those who are potential to be sick before trying the food. The note should be written on a small piece of paper, connect with a stick like a decoration. That will not only make an alert but also bring attention to the people in the event.

I am looking forward to hearing your feedback on my recommendation.

Han Nguyen
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,981 3867  
Sep 19, 2018   #2
Han, once again, your lack of familiarity with the English language has hindered your writing abilities in this letter. You are writing sentences that make no sense. Almost all of the text you have written is difficult to understand because you are using the wrong words in your writing. Your vocabulary is severely lacking when it comes to the English language which is why you cannot write coherent sentences at this point. Mistakes include:

1. Form my appreciation- When you say "form" you mean creating or making. What you are saying there is that you are "making" an appreciation towards the event. What you want to say is that you want to "express" you appreciation. Express means to say something about a topic or event.

2. Indirect incident - What are you talking about? An indirect incident is something like an accident indirectly caused by something at the event. The prompt already told you this is about allergic reactions and people with allergies. Why did you not use those terms instead? Keywords are always offered in these essays so you should learn to use them.

3. Allergies statement - At a potluck, people bring food, they do not list allergens because it is not a requirement as these are not commercial food products. All you should have said was "People need to be aware of the ingredients in the potluck because of possible allergies or allergic reactions."

4. Reach your noticed - You mean NOTICE. Use the present form. The action you are taking is currently ongoing.

There are even more errors in your writing that need to be corrected. I chose to point out only a few of these because this letter is making my head hurt every time I read it. Please, download an English dictionary app and familiarize yourself with English words and their meanings. That way you can understand when and how to use English terms when writing letters. Your vocabulary needs a tremendous amount of work if I were to base your English writing skills on this essay.
Rana Alhawbani 1 / 2  
Sep 28, 2018   #3
Here some comment may help you:

would like to form my appreciation Say to express
in which no need for in here say just which without in
allergenic statement ( condition better than statement
paraphrase the sent.(It is necessary to indicate the list of ingredients in food to avoid an indirect incident)
Those consequences could cause the dissatisfaction with the event( Here you can say By the end of these event people will not be satisfied )
bring attention( Not bring Say take / Get)

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