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Write a paragraph with 140 words about anything that you are interested in life, work, school, etc.


thach102 1 / -  
May 4, 2019   #1

ONE paragraph CONNETED WITH HOBBIES



I have been learning English for 6 months. I think it is better to start writing paragraphs. Please help me check this one. Could you please help me on grammar and word choices. Thank you very much.

When I write about my hobbies, many people may think I am kind of weird. To be honest, I used to love getting together with my friends, sitting in a café, and enjoying parties, but I do not now. I figured out that it was a complete waste of time to participate in these activities, and they did not bring my life any benefits. In recent years, I have spent more time on reading books, which is really changing my life. Actually, I am following the minimalist lifestyle of Japanese people, which makes my life simple and less troublesome. Furthermore, I started cooking, and it has been the best way for me to relieve stress. By understanding recipes, I discover new culinary cultures, which is a real value that cooking can bring to each of us.

puppy1111 2 / 3 3  
May 4, 2019   #2
I think you write well but there is something that you should do and it can help your writing even better.
sometimes writing just enough detail, not too much.
for example, I figured ... waste of time to participate in these activities
Maybe you can make it shorter ---- I figured out that it was a complete waste my time
And you should focus on the level of the word such as when you write the academic essay, you should use the word in another level that more formal

Hope my comment can help you
Never give up!
You can wirte it
Maria [Contributor] - / 473 211  
May 4, 2019   #3
@thach102
I think that the direction of your essay would be dependent on what you would want your essay to contain. Intent is vital when you're trying to create direction for your content. Having said that, because this is a more casual type of essay, the approach would also be a little bit boiled down than other forms of content. Using appropriate words is also a useful technique to learn.

Let's take a look at your essay in its entirety and revise a couple of portions in accordance.

[...] and enjoying parties, but I do not anymore. [...] In recent years, I have made a life-changing decision to start reading more books. I have started following the minimalist Japanese lifestyle, making my life more simple and less troublesome.

Because the structure of your essay right now can be quite messy. I suggest that you introduce the concepts that you want to discuss early on. This can assist you in building a particular theme.

For instance, I would put the following sentence after discussing how you think that a friendly get-together can waste your time:

There are two hobbies that have changed my perception: reading books and getting into cooking.

Remember these lessons as you write your essay once more. Best of luck.


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