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Write a paragraph of 140 words about the sport you like most


tangthidiepanh 2 / 3  
May 5, 2015   #1
Hi! I start learning to write paragraph. So, you may help me to correct this paragraph
Of all the sports I know, I like football most. The reason why I like it is the clever cooperation among players. When I was a child, my father taught me to play soccer by letting me kick a ball into the goal. At the present, I usually play football with my friends at weekends. Sometimes I play football with my brother after leaving school to take it easy. It is the fact that playing soccer is a way of exercising and relaxing efficiently. Not only do I like to play it but I also enjoy watching football shows and football matches. I am really addicted to it. Moreover, I am a fan of Manchester United. To sum up, soccer is the most interesting sport I extremely love.

justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
May 5, 2015   #2
- At the present, I usually play football with my friends at on weekends.

Tang, reading through your essay, it's good. Brief, precise and straight to the point. I suggest that you add more to it though, expand your thoughts, be creative, enhance your vocabulary and write more. I'd also want to add, you might find reading an enjoyable hobby too, I know sports is the first choice of hobby for boys but reading from time to time will not only enhance your vocabulary, it will also widen your imagination and take you to places where your mind doesn't have any limit.

Write often and read more.

Cheers!!!
EF_Carol - / 145 39  
May 9, 2015   #3
I think your short essay, is well written, for a first attempt. Just a couple of suggestions:

It is the fact that playing soccer is a way of exercising and relaxing efficiently.

CORRECTED: It is a fact, that playing soccer is both exercise and relaxation.

You need to condense your ideas when possible, to prevent wordiness. Try using more commas and a thesaurus. This allows the reader to breathe, and keeps him interested.

To sum up, soccer is the most interesting sport I extremely love.

CORRECTED: In conclusion, soccer is my favorite sport because it's interesting, and I love it.

You have to conclude your essay formally, so use the actual words! Also, again, combining ideas presents the reader with a more focused idea of what you're saying.

Good first effort! Commendable clear expression of you ideas. I think with some work, you can finely hone this piece of written ideas

ef _carol


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