I am supposed to write the beginning only . I dont know how to create a mystery atmosphere .. please help me , i welcome negative comments.
I open my eyes, i see nothing. Everything was pitch black. I stretch my arm across. Grabbing anything that was in front of me - nothing.
Sweat dripped down my cheeks , my lungs are starting to lose air. I can't breathe. I grab anything I could, something icy cold pricks my fingers. A burst of hope fills me, I grab hold of it. , it was rusty and small. I twist it, light rays came bursting through. The next area was bright . Finally ! Wait , I hear cheering...
Please help me change or improve it. thanks :D
Oooh I really like this... Good job! On a sidenote I recommend Poe's Telltale heart/Black cat for some inspirations.
Keep your sentences short/fragmented. Short paragraphs, even. Increases tension. Here's my take on it:
I see nothing.
Surrounded by darkness, I stretch my arms. I am desperate - anything, give me anything to grab on...
Sweat drips down my cheeks. My skin itches. I'm losing air. I can't breathe. I keep on grabbing. My fingers convulsing. Something icy cold pricks my fingers. Finally. A surge of hope bursts inside me. I grab onto it. My fingers still sporadically twitching. I don't know what it is... I don't care. It feels coarse, but a petit little thing. Blindly, I fiddled with it, clueless what to do next.
Suddenly - a stream of light pours inside. The whole place lit up. Finally.I await in silence. Faintly, I hear distant cheering...
Thank you ! yours is so much better !
When i open my eyes, i see nothing. Everything was a pitch black. I stretch my arm across. Grabbing anything that was in front of me - nothing.
Sweat dripped down my cheeks , my lungs are starting to lose the air. I can'tcannot breathe. I grab anything I could, something icy cold pricks my fingers. A burst of hope fills me, I grab hold of it. , it was rusty and small. I twist it, light rays came bursting through. The next area was bright . Finally ! Wait , I hear cheering...
