Unanswered [0] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
  

Writing Feedback   Posts: 3

Write traffic jams and housing problem (IELTS)


seethal 1 / -  
Mar 1, 2019   #1
TRAFFIC AND HOUSING PROBLEMS COULD BE SOLVED BY MOVING LARGE COMPANIES, FACTORIES AND THEIR EMPLOYERS TO THE COUNTRYSIDE. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

housing issues AND Traffic jam



Traffic jam and housing issues has become major problems that could be taken by relocating big companies, industries and their workers to the rural areas. In my opinion, I agree that moving employers and factories out of cities-center which is a good solution to reduce traffic congestion and housing issues.

A good reason to relocate companies and their worker to the rural areas that could be reduced traffic jam is that it could decrease the population in the big cities. Nowadays, citizens often commute to work by their private car. If each person uses a car, the roads will become overload. Moreover, when they move to out of the city, they won't drive car the inner city. For example, there are a lot of companies in Bangkok, Thailand. That leads to Bangkok has one of the highest traffic congestion rate in the world. Therefore, the reduction of population in the cities-center could be addressed the traffic jam rate.

Another point to consider is that this solution ought to help the house price to be cheaper. The house prices are expensive in the big cities. This means workers are difficult to buy a private house and less space for poorer people. The companies move their employers out of cities that take the pressure off overcrowded cities. Take Beijing as an example, the house price is one of the most expensive in the world. However, the industries and firms move to the countryside around Beijing the house price is becoming cheaper than in the city-center. As a result, the housing problem could be solved by moving factories and workers out of the city.

In conclusion, the amount of vehicles on the road and the challenge of house could be addressed by moving companies to outside city that allows the reduction of population in the city and pull down the house prices.
Osha 2 / 6 1  
Mar 1, 2019   #2
NB, I'm not a native speaker or expert

there are significant grammatical issues nearly in every sentence, so try to revise the basic grammar rules before writing.

... housing issues has have
could be taken tackled/ dealt with/ attenuated by
the rural areas (when speaking in general, don't use {the} with plurals.)
cities-center which is a good solution (it is a complete sentence , not a relative clause, no need for "which")
... and their workers to the rural areas that could be to reduced traffic jam ...
their private cars
If each everyperson/ everyone uses a car, ... become overloaded
... out of the cities, ( use "the" when you are talking about a specific thing, for example, a specific city. Writing about general countable nouns requires using either the plural form or the singular form with the article "a/an"

they won't will notdrive (do not use abbreviations in a formal essay) cars in the inner city. (This argument is very week in terms of logical consequence and the choice of ideas)

Bangkok and Thailand
could becan addressed the traffic jam rate.( unnecessary passive)
the housing prices
The houseing prices are
means workers are find it difficult to
buy a private house and less space for poorer (this an error of parallelism, when using "and" you have to keep your sentences before and after it in the same structure)

that take lessen the pressure off on overcrowded cities
When the industries ... Beijing, the housing prices is becoming would become cheaper than i... (it is hypothetical situation, use could, might, would instead of the present tense)

the challenge of housing
outside city, that which allows the reduction.
Holt - / 7,651 1998  
Mar 3, 2019   #3
Seethal, while the examiner will accept US spelling for certain words, you are still taking a British English based test. There are several spelling differences between the two languages based on vowel positioning within the word. If you can familiarize yourself with British spelled words (e.g. centre, favour, behaviour) there will be a higher chance of your getting an above average LR score.

When using plural implied sentences such as "Bangkok has one of the highest traffic congestion rate in the world", rate should be written in the plural form "rates" as per subject-verb agreement rules. Avoid using contractions in academic writing settings. Always spell out the whole word as in the case of "won't". The full word "Will not" must be used.

When you write your response in the prompt paraphrase, there is no need to say "in my opinion" because your response will always start with the personal pronoun "I", indicating a personal point of view.



Home / Writing Feedback / Write traffic jams and housing problem (IELTS)