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IELTS WRITINGS TASK 2. In recent years, more and more people tend to live individually.


Jase Leenh 1 / 1  
Aug 16, 2020   #1

In recent years, more and more people tend to live individually.


What are the causes of this trend?
Does this have a positive or negative effect on society?


In contemporary life, people are becoming more independent in both work and life, which led to the mounting of individual living separately. Although some argue that this tendency brings more positive influences on society than their negative, I believe living alone can entirely have adverse effects on social development. I can identify two main causes, and two broad effects, which we will describe now.

Perhaps the main cause is limited financial resources. This can be seen in the constant rise in average cost to own a house containing many people, indeed, most average or low incomes these days are impossible to pay for a large house. For example, almost all blue collar employees receive low salaries monthly which just able to make end meets with small accommodation. Additionally, jobs in diverse fields involded distingused working time, meaning that people want to have their own pace of life instead of concerning about others difference.

Turning to negative effects, living individually, in other words would place a burden on the government to build more residential areas in order to serve the living needs of workers. Take Hanoi as an example, because of the growth in residents who mostly came from the countrysides, the government had to convert some infrastructures into social houses for employees. In addition, people are prone to suffer from many mental health problems such as depression, autism, ... as they have no one to share their stress in their daily life.

In conclusion,the factors behind the trend of living alone tend to be inadequate incomes or characteristics of jobs .The effects may include difficulties in house construction and mental issues.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,531 3447  
Aug 16, 2020   #2
Okay, the one thing you have to absolutely avoid in the prompt paraphrase is the presentation of information and opinions that are not included in the original presentation. This shows an inability on your part to follow simple instructions and also, portrays you as someone who cannot accurately relay information in your own words. Your overall prompt paraphrase is going to be scored down because you have totally changed the discussion parameters by indicating invalid information (not included in the original information source). This inaccuracy and lack of reasoning discussion outline will have a clear effect on your TA score. You need to outline the 2 discussion points for each question presentation.

If you are using words such as "perhaps" in your sentences, then that means you do not have a clear opinion and you not capable of properly supporting your point of view in the essay. This is an opinion essay so avoid all words of uncertainty in your presentation. You are scored on your ability to convince the reader of your opinion, whether it be right or wrong. If you are not sure of your opinion, why should the reader believe you?

Your causes and negative effects explanations need to be better developed in relation to your additional statement. Try to present your 2 reasons and negatives as related concepts in each paragraph. The related idea will make it easier for you to explain both using the same information. This will add clarity and certainty to your paragraphs and presentations.

The conclusion is incomplete. You have to restate the discussion point, the reasons and negative effects, and a closing sentence. It must be at least 3 sentences, never 2 sentences. 2 sentences does not meet the paragraph sentence requirement for each section.
OP Jase Leenh 1 / 1  
Aug 16, 2020   #3
@Holt Thanks for your review!!
I'm sorry but could you pls clarify your first statment : " the one thing you have to absolutely avoid in the prompt paraphrase is the presentation of information and opinions that are not included in the original presentation." Maybe you pls point out that mistake in my essay. Thanks anyway


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