Writting task 1 for ielts: the percentage of internet users

The graph illustrates the proportion of people who used the internet between 1999 and 2009.

Generally, there was an upward trend in the rate of the population using the Internet in each country over the period shown. While the internet users increased considerably in the USA and Canada, Mexico's internet users had a slight growth from 1999 to 2009.

In 1999, internet usage in Mexico was around 5%. After 3 years of slow growth, the percentage of internet users in Mexico rose moderately from 10% in 2001 to 30% in 2005. In the final 4 years of the period, it went up gradually and hit the highest point of approximately 40% in 2009.

Moving on, in 1999, the number of internet users in the USA was around 20% more than in Canada, at only about 10%. On the other hand, the figure for Canada increased sharply and hit the peak of 100% in 2009. The proportion of people using the Internet in Canada in 2009 had surpassed that of America, at about 75%.

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  BAI SO 1: internet users
  

Never start your report with CAPS LOCK. Always write the summary information in normal case letters, using capital letters int he proper sections of the sentence presentations. That type of presentation is a GRA violation that will definitely result in some percentage deductions. It is disrespectful and shouts at the reader since it is all caps and bold in writing. Write normally. by the way, the reference in the first sentence should indicate that the comparison is based on 3 countries since that is what the image indicates. It becomes confusing for the reader when you state the first part as a single reference point, then suddently changing it to plural in the trending statement. A uniform reference point is needed in the report presentation.

Avoid referencing "On the other hand" when a reference to "On the one hand" has not been previously made. As a comparison phrase, it should have the proper previous supporting sentence to strengthen the comparison point.

Because it's about %, you can not use the number of internet users instead of proportion or percentage.

you didn't need to use hit twice. We can write " reached the peak of 100%"

Moving on, ... 20% more than THAT (=the number of internet users) in Canada, at only about 10%.(I think this will make the sentence clearer)

Hit the peak at = Reach the peak at = Peak at