free educational system
Question: Students should pay the full cost of their own university studies, rather than have free higher education provided by the state.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.
The topic of university fee remains controversial, as some people feel that students should finance their own studies, while others argue that higher education should be supported by the government. Personally, I believe that university should be free to all students.
Firstly, the cost of education is much higher nowadays compare to the past, and this is especially true in Vietnam. Many students have to worry about the expense for accommodation, travel, textbooks,.. once they get into universities, and the high tuition fees will only exaggerate their financial problems. Not many are able to pursue their study without getting a job or applying for a loan, even if they get scholarships. This could greatly affect their study at schools, leading to poor results. Some may have no choice but to drop out, and in several cases, decide not to enter university at all. This situation only gives advantages to students with wealthy background, thus widen the already large gap between the rich and the poor.
Secondly, investing in education will certainly benefit society and the economy greatly. A free education system creates more opportunity for students, and when they graduate, they will no doubt have more refined skills and become valuable workers. As they receive high salaries, they will pay more in taxes and spend more money on goods and services, which in turn contribute to the domestic economy.
In conclusion, because of the many advantages of a free educational system, I am convinced that it is something we should try to achieve.
Hoa, your personal opinion statement at the end of the paraphrased paragraph should have been based upon the "extent" of your disagreement with the statement provided. In order to have properly reflected the original prompt, your work should have instead indicated:
There are some who believe that university education should be free to all since it can be provided by the state. Others believe that students must pay their way through college. I strongly disagree with the latter opinion for a number of reasons that I will be presenting in this essay.
You must always make sure to reflect the proper discussion instruction at the end of your paraphrase because that will prove that you understood the instructions provided for the completion of the essay. Now, since you strongly disagree with the latter opinion, your discussion that provides 2 paragraphs in support of that stance is just perfectly placed and developed.
I would like to caution you though against using such a specific line of reasoning, such as Vietnam, in the discussion. If you are not asked to base your discussion on personal experience or knowledge, you will do better to just use general references in the presentation so that it will not matter whether or not the examiner is familiar with the educational system as it exists in Vietnam or any particular country.
This is a good essay that was held back by the faulty opening statement. Hopefully you will learn how to better address the prompt topic and discussion requirements of that portion of the essay writing test over your forthcoming practice sessions.
I think your conclusion is too short, need to add one or two more sentences. Another thing is that avoid using ,... if you want to express your ideas the same, using etc, it is better than ,.. as it is not formal