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I wrote this essay about travelling, I have never done before


Jul 24, 2017   #1

the value of travelling



Nowadays, Travelling is the kind of activity, which almost all the people love. For some people it is an opportunity to relax and abstract from everyday busy life. For others it is interesting to learn about other cultures.

Of course, there are people who are always unhappy with the way the life is, and they will say that travelling is unpleasant and involves a lot of stress due to the necessity to pack their things, use public transport and so on. But fortunately, those people are rather few.

As for me, travelling is exciting and interesting. I would like to travel to different countries, experiencing cultures and trying different foods.
The first advantage is traveling helps us to experience new things and open our minds to the outside world also get the opportunity to meet different people from different places.

Secondly, experiencing different cultures can be enlightening and educational. One of the way to learn about different culture is to travel. Traveling increases our knowledge and widens our perspective.

To sum up, travelling has tremendous educative, informative and social value.

thamnt 1 / 2 2  
Jul 24, 2017   #2
Hi elizabethbehappy, i am a new member who is trying to improve my writing skill. i would like to discuss something about your essay and hope this will also help me write correctly for the next time.

When we write a topic, we need to have at least 3 paragraphs: Introduction, body and conclusion. If in the part of the introduction, you wrote travelling help people: relax and abstract; learn the culture, so in the body, you must explain about your opinions. (How travel makes people relax, learn the culture, give more example,...)

"there are people who are always unhappy with the way the life is" We should avoid the word "always" to assert an absolute view, you can instead by "in a way".

"But fortunately, those people are rather few." this sentence should not be given.

Firstly, travel helps us to ......Secondly, ..... You should put them in one paragraph because they both discuss the advantage of travel.
You can replace "busy life" by "hectic life", it is better.

Hope someone will help correct your essay.
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Jul 24, 2017   #3
Elizabeth, I need you to clarify if you are writing a practice test for an English exam such as IELTS or TOEFL or, if you are writing this for an English practice class. The reason I ask is because there are 2 different requirements for each type of English writing. Now, if you are just writing this as something you chose to do for practice, without any particular instructions to follow, then the require essay writing formats are not a requirement. Since you did not provide an instruction as to whether this is for an exam or just practice, I will assume that you wrote this as a personal practice test and review it as such.

When you write an essay, you need to follow a chronological or connected form of discussion presentation. You need to make sure that you discuss topics in a connected manner so that your essay will come across as easy to follow and is simple to understand and remember. So for this writing, you should have done as follows:

1. Explained the purpose of the essay in the first paragraph.
2. Discussed reason 1
3. Discussed reason 2
4. Discussed your personal reason
5. Concluded the essay

While the aforementioned format works for the English essay exams, it also helps to serve as a guide for those writing English practice tests. It allows you learn how to discuss in an understandable manner and offers you the opportunity to practice expanding your expanding your English vocabulary. Remember, if you are not practicing for an English test, the sentence requirement is not important. That applies only if you are practicing for the test due to the expected discussion format / requirement.
OP elizabethbehappy 1 / 2  
Jul 24, 2017   #4
hectic life

@Holt
Dear Holt,

I am in the high school and I am studying English to get my FCE.
OP elizabethbehappy 1 / 2  
Jul 24, 2017   #5
I wrote again... let me know , what do you think
thanks

Nowadays, Travelling is the kind of activity, which almost all the people love. For some people, it is an opportunity to relax and abstract from everyday hectic life and also it is interesting to learn about other cultures, therefore traveling has more advantages.

For one thing, traveling helps us to experience new things and open our minds to the outside world, moreover, get the opportunity to meet people from different places. Secondly, experiencing different cultures can be enlightening and educational. One of the ways to learn about a different culture is to travel. For example, when we get a chance to take part in local celebrations we can discover similarities and differences between cultures,

However, there are people who are unhappy when they hear the word "travel", and they will say that traveling is unpleasant and involves a lot of stress due to the necessity to pack their things, use public transport and so on.

To sum up, I think traveling has tremendous educative, informative and social value because traveling increases our knowledge and widens our perspective.
nguyet_nguyen 4 / 11 1  
Jul 25, 2017   #6
Nowadays, travelling is the kind ...
For some people, it is an opportunity ...
For others, it is interesting to ...

... and they will say that travelling is unpleasant and involves ... (I think you should separate this sentence to 2 sentences). But However, fortunately, those ...

As for me, travelling is exciting and interesting.
... countries, experiencinge cultures and trying enjoy different foods.(remember consistent rule in grammar)

Secondly, experiencing different cultures ... (Don't repetition too much. I don't know how to amend this paragraph to you. Sorry!!!)

I think you should practice more and try to avoid grammar mistakes, study more academic words.
juntrinh 3 / 4 1  
Jul 26, 2017   #7
@elizabethbehappy
You need to improve your English grammar.
..hectic life and also it is interesting to learn about other cultures, therefore traveling has --> it is also....
The length of two paragraphs is not similar. I advice you to try to write 5 sentences per 1 paragraph


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