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IELTS WRTING TASK II ACADEMIC: violent media encourages real-life violence among young people

lazidili 1 / -  
May 3, 2022   #1
Many people feel violent media encourages real-life violence among young people.

What are the causes? What are the solutions?

Violent mainstream seems ubiquitous in today's society. Accordingly, many worry that it can stimulate practical violence among young adults. I would argue that parental negligence and ignorance in censorship are the main catalysts of youth violence. Perhaps this phenomenon would be limited if parents pay adequate attention to their children in conjunction with carefully censoring from the government.

The lack of parental responsibility and carefully censoring movie content can cause overexposure to violent media. Most movies today have some form of physical violence like brutal murder, communal riots, and rape to satisfy the need of experiencing the thrills of audiences. Meanwhile, parents subjectively suppose that children are still immature, so they will not pay much attention and imitate those scenes of violence. And even if they are curious, there are parents around to prevent them from extreme acts. Besides, the government always considers that teenagers are always under the supervision of their parents, as follows, it is not essential to limit aggressive scenes that boost movie-grossing. Without any prohibition, these adolescents are likely to be exposed to crime and brutality at a very young age and start believing that it is alright to resort to violence.

Strict censorship and family education are two measures to reduce this issue. The government must vigorously brush off violent scenes. The young should be educated about the reality of violent behavior, and how it can impact themselves and others. Parents should also encourage their children to form healthier relationships with their peers instead of spending time watching movies.

In recapitulation, carelessly monitoring by parents and government is the prominent result of violent media. However, with the involvement of both authority and parents, the situation can be reduced.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,686 4117  
May 4, 2022   #2
The first sentence is not a reflection of the original prompt. It is an observation of violent portrayals in the media, which is the writer's personal opinion. It should not be contained in the prompt restatement portion. Next time, place such observations in your personal opinion presentation or thesis sentence. Know where to place a personal opinion so that it can help increase, rather than decrease your score. In this case, it works to decrease the score.

You do not need to argue with anyone in this statement. There is no opposing opinion for you to contradict. Where no contradicting reason exists, the writer should merely state his opinion, without any exaggerations that will result in score downs due to improper response formatting. This is a discussion since an idea is presented without any opposing views. Do not argue where it is not necessary, required, nor implied.

The above observations are the main problem points of the presentation. The discussion paragraphs themselves are well developed and presented. The concluding summary is a proper summary that uses the correct paragraph format.
minhtamdav 2 / 3  
May 4, 2022   #3
" carelessly monitoring by parents and government is the prominent result of violent media" you mean excessive violence on media results FROM parental neglect and ineffective censorship by the government?

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