[IELTS WTITING 1] the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994

Please check my writing. Thank you, guys!

The pie charts visually describe the percentage of males and females arrested in the period of five years ending 1994, and the bar chart illustrates a variety of recent causes for the arrest.

In general, the percentage of males being jailed was higher than that of females. Moreover, most people were arrested because of public drinking.

In the five years ending in 1995, there was nearly a third percent of men (32%) being arrested in the total number of people who committed crimes, whereas the number for women was at a much lower, about three and a half times lower, 9%. Moving on to the reasons for the arrest, we can clearly see that public drinking was the main reason why people were captured, with more than 30% in both genders.

Other reasons such as breach of order, assault, and theft were around 10 to 20 percent. Furthermore, the proportion of females apprehended by drink-driving was around 15%, and the figures for males roughly doubled that of females. Also, some crimes that had no answer were around 5 percent in both sexes. Lastly, other reason not mentioned had a percentage of just under 20%.

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I would like to focus my review primarily on the summary overview presentation as this represents a large portion, actually the passing portion, of the task score. It is imperative that the summarized information is properly formatted to meet TA and C+C requirements as this is the scannable paragraph of the overall report.

First up, there are 2 different images that are provided for the review. Since both images offer differing information targets, these cannot be presented as a connected sentence in the summary. Rather, these should be presented as stand alone sentences that use the correct connecting phrases to bridge the 2 sentences. The writer could have also shown more varied skills if he had indicated the information as covering half a decade, then indicating the actual years presented in a parenthesis to help clarify his meaning. It creates a more advanced sentence structure.

The trending statement could use more clarity as well. There should be a separation or proper indicator as to which image is related to what information. Remember, this is still part of the summary overview. So a clearer summary presentation format could have been:

Sentence 1: Main subject introduction
Sentence 2: Image identifier + Trending Information
Sentence 3: Image identifier + Trending Information
Sentence 4: Transition sentence into the actual report / analysis paragraphs

The aforementioned presentation allows for a coherent and cohesive summary presentation.



Information inconsistencies are present in the reports that will create confusion for the reader. He did not bother to double check his information for accuracy leading to a confusing paragraph presentation. The paragraph should also have been anchored onto an image identifier introduction for the first sentence. By the way, the paragraph needs to have a minimum of 3 sentences to qualify as a proper paragraph.