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TASK 2. Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done?


Ra_fhli 22 / 17 8  
Dec 8, 2015   #1
Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminality?

A breakdown of criminality increases rapidly every year. For this reason, numerous people assert that it is important to detect some causes within and need steps to deal with. It is nice to be a threshold that some causes such as the rate of unemployment and broken home trigger this phenomenon.

The major reason why criminal rate inclines significantly is because of unemployment. Some of them who do not have any skills to compete with others are more likely to take a shortcut. For example in a big city, people are demanded to have multitasking skills, and, therefore, some employees should prove themselves as trustworthy people. To address this problem, people should enlarge themselves by taking a particular course so as to be qualified. In addition, they should consider to not rely on other people such as setting up their own business.

In addition, in general cases, unharmonious family is a huge problem to cause the number of criminal hardened happen. It is clear that, people who have problemS with the relatives tend to take retaliation with other people. A researcher from Edinburgh University, John Edward Collin reveals that about 22% crime which come out in Scotland caused by unharmonious family. The proper way to deal with this problem is despite the spouse to arrange their time properly, and the government also ought to take responsibility by making regulation in order to press the divorce rate and encourage the citizen by positive campaigns.

In a nutshell, the rate of criminality tends to increase in every year since the citizens lack of skills to work. Furthermore, broken home has the big influence as well. However, the way to address those problems is by enlarging capacity in one field. Likewise, government action is also really necessitated.

dynaranjani 27 / 24 18  
Dec 9, 2015   #2
Hi you,

Perfect. I think you make no grammatical error.

But, it seems that your example in the first body paragraph is not strong enough. Here, you should give a concrete example representing the increase of crime rate in the big city which is caused by incapacity of competing with other people, while in this essay, you just mention the solution.

I think it is better for you, if you give the actual condition of the rising crime rate and afterwards, you explain about the idea in remedying this problem.

Overall, good job. And the conclusion, it gives an assertive impression for the readers.
sharfina 35 / 21 5  
Dec 9, 2015   #3
enjoy reading your essay :)
there are suggestions for you

unharmonious family is a huge problem to causecausing the number of criminal hardened happen. It is clear that, people who have problemS with thetheir relatives tend to take retaliation with other people.
brayan1996 17 / 35 5  
Jan 4, 2016   #4
Hi Rafhli,

I read over your essay and it seems that it would do a lot better in my eyes if you started your introduction with a "Catchy" hook. Try to lure your reader into the argument you intend to put forth. Think of a special way to introduce your topoc, crime rates. Probably a question like Should the biggest crimes be punished by the most final of all sentences? Or simply as what are your thoughts on the increase in crime rates.
dina1979 1 / 2  
Jan 4, 2016   #5
I read over your essay and I think that you have no grammar errors. But I think that you definitely need more suporting details in first paragraph and in second paragraph more examples to suport your argument.Overall, I think you did good job.


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