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Over the 50-year period, the women role has transformed in several countries.


wahyutri13 10 / 13  
Feb 8, 2016   #1
Question:
The position of women has changed a great deal in many countries over the past 50 years. But these societies connect claim to have achieved gender equality.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Over the 50-year period, the women role has transformed in several countries. They can obtain various of equality from this revolution. Some people argue that adult girls have to stay at home as a perfect housewife but the other states that is more essential if they go to another organization obtains more experience. In my opinion, I absolutely agree with this notion that it brings more benefits for them such as in education, politic, and government.

First of all, an ancient population declare that adult women are not crucial to join in the societies because they have a responsibility for managing a house. Moreover, they do not oblige to get a job since in conventional family just a husband who has to work. For this reason, women have to finish the housing activity such as carrying their children and accompany this husband. Furthermore, they have unequal education and do not have opportunity to leave from their houses. Some studies found that majority adult women in Asia stay at home and supervise their houses. As a result they cannot achieve the equality in life.

On the other hand, some individual state that the evolution has came. Women must obtain an opportunity to join with societies. Now, in several countries we see that many institutions use the adult girls as employer. It brings to develop the equality of gender. For illustrate, women who has a chance to get an education, for this they can obtain a perfect job like as a teacher in school organization. In addition, a woman who has good education and desire to fulfill in the local authority can become a politician. As a result in the side of life no differences between men and women.

To sum up, it is no doubt that women have to get an equal opportunity in social societies, therefore they can improve their abilities and knowledge.

fariz10 13 / 18 2  
Feb 8, 2016   #2
Hi wahyu,
my first concern toward your essay is your first paragraph. Your statement does not answer the question. it is because there are statement does not have link with the question.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 8, 2016   #3
You need to properly understand the prompt in order to offer a correct response to the essay. You were being asked to agree or disagree with the statement that women have achieved gender equality over the past 50 years. While you did present some relevant information pertaining to the cause of women's rights. You failed to present your personal opinion that either agrees or disagrees with the statement provided. That is where your essay went wrong. Due to the lack of a proper personal opinion in the thesis statement, you ended up discussing the wrong prompt throughout the essay.

Due to that flub, you were no longer able to deliver an essay that would have received a passing score. A failure to present the correct discussion of the prompt provided results in the lowest possible score. I do believe that you do not wish to have a score of 0 in the actual essay. Therefore you need to be more careful when writing your practice essays.

One way you can improve your comprehension skills is by reading the prompt, analyzing the content and then, with the help of a friend who is willing to listen to you and correct you, explain what you understood of the prompt to that person before writing your essay. The friend should be a native English speaker who can tell you if you managed to understand the prompt properly or not. You can do that now since you are merely practicing at this point. It becomes more crucial for you to correctly understand the prompt as the actual test date comes closer.
anita11 28 / 20 2  
Feb 9, 2016   #4
Hallo wahyutri, i think; it is better for your conclusion to follow the pattern, like writing the closing which is the paraphrase of the tesis statement, and giving the most effective suggestion for the writing rather than trying to repeat the same sentences.

To sum up, it is no doubt that women have to get an equal opportunity in social societies, therefore they can improve their abilities and knowledge.


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