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For over years, people always been paid attention on their look while working.


dinartika19 37 / 67 6  
Sep 2, 2016   #1
Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quantity of work above appearance.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


For over years, people always been paid attention on their look while working. When you search on youtube, there are many tutorial for using a good suit in the company. However, should they dressed smartly?

Some people say the quality of employers based on their look. That's why many people dressed conventionally as part of their work especially when they work in the bank or a large multinational company based on service. Their look can improve their performance and confidence. Consumers will attracted to them and decided to buy/ ger service from their enterprise. As example, customer service in Permata Bank should wear formal suit with green tie and smile nicely, so customer will pleased with them.

In contrast, the recent research conduct by Harvard University about "Happy Workers" found out that when employers work in their comfort zone such as using casual clothes, it will reduce their stress and boost their performance. Let's take a look at the secret of e-commerce industry which booming right now. Networking company in Indonesia such as Go-Jek, Tokopedia and Bukalapak can grow so fast because they create their workplace as cozy as home. They believe the quality of people is not based on their cover, but it come from their behavior and the way of thinking.

In my opinion, I think the question is depends on how important fashion for their company. For an enterprise based on service area which the workers should dress nicely in front of other people, so it is a must. However, I concern that look can be created but our quality can't be created.

hirani03 36 / 50 5  
Sep 2, 2016   #2
For over years,(The sentence cannot start from FANBOYS) people always been paid ...
..., there are many tutorialtutorials for using a good suit ...
Consumers will attractedattract to them and decided to buy/ geror get service from their enterprise.
... and smile nicely, so customer will be pleased with them.

In your close statement, there is no conclusion.You only put your own opinion. However, to end the writing task 2, you must pay attention to give conclusion.

Nice writing :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,198 464  
Sep 2, 2016   #3
For over years, people always been paid attention on their look while working. When you search on youtube, there are many tutorial for using a good suit in the company. However, should they dressed smartly?

This does not thoroughly answer the prompt given. As this is a both-view-essay question, your task is to justified your claim towards the two initiative views. In here, you are missing such a highlighted point, and therefore this costs you a lot for the score. Trust me.

Permata Bank

Go-Jek, Tokopedia and Bukalapak

Remember, IELTS is an international exam, so you need to discuss the issues presented as per the global view, not the local one. It is always good to put yourself on other global citizen's view. This helps you examine the issue in the worldwide aspects

will attracted to them

Will attract a lot of attention from the people who were nearby

In contrast, the recent research conduct by Harvard University about "Happy Workers"

A good paragraph starts with a topic sentence, not illustrations as you did. The topic sentence is extracted from the thesis you present exactly upfront in the introduction.

In my opinion,

This is not a concluding signal. This phrase is used when you are discussing your stand towards the issues. Quickly google concluding phrases, pick up one and generate it to your next essay.

Hope this helps :D


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