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"Yes Scotland" - The Scottish Referendum


bora99 3 / 12 7  
Sep 17, 2014   #1
Yes Scotland
For over centuries, people have been governed by monarchs. However, with the development of a critical thinking and questioning the authority, the notion of independence emerged. In connection with this, if the Scottish Referendum passes, Scotland will gain a once in a lifetime opportunity to build a completely independent and prosperous Scotland. Therefore, the Scottish Referendum should pass because of economic and social reasons.

To begin with, because Scotland's huge economic potential will be unleashed, Scotland should be an independent country. First and foremost, provided that the UK loses its benefits on the Scottish oil and gas reserves, and Scotland becomes the only owner of the reserves, it is palpable that Scotland can enhance its economic status. To exemplify, bearing in mind the yield of the reserves, Scotland's GDP increases; hence, the Scottish economy reaches its zenith. Furthermore, recognizing the impact of agriculture, construction, science, tourism, food and drink industries on the Scottish economy, independent Scotland does not only manage to survive without UK, but also takes its place on the world's richest countries list. In brief, a yes vote is the right decision when the economic potential of Scotland is considered.

Additionally, social factors can be regarded as compelling reasons to vote yes. Primarily, with the validation of the critical metamorphosis, Scotland will keep the university tuition fees free so that the new generations can form and maintain a well-developed society. For instance, even though education is an integral part of developed countries, a particular number of teenagers lack education as they are unable to afford it. Thus, by making universities free, Scotland aims to reassure the society with regard to education. Secondly, independent Scotland vows to assist families in terms of childcare. Thanks to the financial and comprehensive aid, not only the society's wealth and welfare develops, but also a well brought up generation and its indisputable benefits shows up in the future. Ultimately, the Scottish Referendum should pass owing to social causes.

In a nutshell, Scotland should become an independent country due to economic and social causes. Since the referendum is considered to be on a knife edge after David Cameron's and UK's affectation, apart from economic and social outcomes, longing for the independence changes the balance in favor of independence supporters. Again, there might be no turning point, but a bright future for Scotland.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Sep 17, 2014   #2
Hello, I like your writing style! But the first sentence of this essay is not interesting. It makes the mind shut down because the mind realizes the essay is telling it 'truisims' things it already knows. I think you should add a few intriguing words to that sentence. The first sentence needs to be interesting even when someone reads it and no other sentence of the essay.

To begin with, b Some English teachers say it's good to start sentences with little introductory phrases like that, but it makes weak writing. Be bold and brief. : )

Because Scotland's huge economic potential will be unleashed, Scotland should be an independent country. --- I like it better this way. But what do you mean? I think maybe this sentence could be clearer if you rearranged it a little.

In a nutshell.. Someone is teaching you to do this stuff.. I think it's important not to. These little cliche phrases will take the power out of our writing.

Come up with one sentence that captures the meaning of the whole essay. I guess it is this: Scotland should become an independent country due to economic and social causes.

I think it is okay, but it's better if the sentence also mentions those causes. But I suppose it does capture the full meaning of the essay. The best essay is when you can have a single sentence, even a single phrase or word, that expresses the main idea. That is the sharp spear point.

: )
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 17, 2014   #3
While we can correct the grammar errors in your paper at this point, I feel that there are still a number of important content problems in your paper that should be addressed first. So please let me give you a run down of those points so you can revise the essay accordingly. We can fix the grammar issues after :-)

For over centuries, people have been governed by monarchs. However, with the development of a critical thinking and questioning the authority, the notion of independence emerged. In connection with this, if the Scottish Referendum passes, Scotland will gain a once in a lifetime opportunity to build a completely independent and prosperous Scotland. Therefore, the Scottish Referendum should pass because of economic and social reasons.

- Bora, I would open with a stronger statement for your timely essay. I would say something at the very start like "No to the monarchy! Down with colonized rule in Scotland! That is the growing sentiment in the country that has for centuries has been governed by the British government, bowing to the Queen of England." Don't you think that makes for the creative hook that you need in the introduction? Right now, it is too historical in nature that unless you are familiar with the history of Scotland and the British empire, you just won't be interested in reading this. You can still use the information about the referendum, you just need to get started in a more interesting way like Kevin said.

To begin with, because Scotland's huge economic potential will be unleashed, Scotland should be an independent country. First and foremost, provided that the UK loses its benefits on the Scottish oil and gas reserves, and Scotland becomes the only owner of the reserves, it is palpable that Scotland can enhance its economic status. To exemplify, bearing in mind the yield of the reserves, Scotland's GDP increases; hence, the Scottish economy reaches its zenith. Furthermore, recognizing the impact of agriculture, construction, science, tourism, food and drink industries on the Scottish economy, independent Scotland does not only manage to survive without UK, but also takes its place on the world's richest countries list. In brief, a yes vote is the right decision when the economic potential of Scotland is considered.

- Before you discuss the financial potential of Scotland and why it should be given independence, you should first give an overview of how Scotland came under British rule, the negative effects of that rule, and then the growing sentiments against it. Don't forget to also represent the side that supports the monarchy if there is a side that does. Then you can proceed to discuss the benefits of a free Scotland as a separate statement.

Additionally, social factors can be regarded as compelling reasons to vote yes. Primarily, with the validation of the critical metamorphosis, Scotland will keep the university tuition fees free so that the new generations can form and maintain a well-developed society. For instance, even though education is an integral part of developed countries, a particular number of teenagers lack education as they are unable to afford it. Thus, by making universities free, Scotland aims to reassure the society with regard to education. Secondly, independent Scotland vows to assist families in terms of childcare. Thanks to the financial and comprehensive aid, not only the society's wealth and welfare develops, but also a well brought up generation and its indisputable benefits shows up in the future. Ultimately, the Scottish Referendum should pass owing to social causes.

- When you present this much information in one paragraph, you are unable to do more than just say it. You are not really talking about it or discussing it. Every reason you state should be part of a separate and well developed paragraph. This will afford you the space you need in order to properly present and convince the reader that you have the right opinion on the matter. Pick only the best information to share and discuss it. Limit yourself to 2 so that you don't run out time to write the essay.

In a nutshell, Scotland should become an independent country due to economic and social causes. Since the referendum is considered to be on a knife edge after David Cameron's and UK's affectation, apart from economic and social outcomes, longing for the independence changes the balance in favor of independence supporters. Again, there might be no turning point, but a bright future for Scotland.

- This is a good conclusion. However, you should have only wrapped this up by summarizing the content of your essay. You should not have presented new ideas such as David Cameron. Also, never sound unsure in an essay "might be" is not as powerful statement as "will be".
OP bora99 3 / 12 7  
Sep 23, 2014   #4
Thanks a lot.


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