Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


As an young adult people, we can still be independent, even when we live with our families.


sophie56665518 1 / 1  
Feb 29, 2012   #1
YOUNG ADULTS SEEKING INDEPENDENCE FROM PARENTS AND LIVING ON THEIR OWN

Although it may let you become more independent if you don't live with your parents in that you have to deal with many problems by yourself, I still consider that it is more sensible to live with families longer.

Firstly, the reason why I say this is because that as young adult, we can still be independent even we live with our families. You can do housework that your parents used to do, such as washing your clothes and tidy your room , even prepare a delicious meal for you family members. Actually, why can't you be independent if you live with your families? If you made all the decisions by yourself, earn the money by yourself as well as maintain the daily life by yourself , you have already be independent even you still live with families. That's to say, you don't need to leave your parents to demonstrate that you are independent.

Thus, perhaps it is more sensible for young adults to live with their parents longer for that you can just regard your families as the most intimacy and trustworthy roommates who can give you advice and help a lot. In fact, as young adults, we may not be mature in several aspects .

Sometimes we need advice and critics from our parents . Besides, our family members can help us to look after our pets and plants if you go out for a trip, take care of you when you are thick. What's more, they can also help you with some housework if you are not available to deal with them during some certain period.

Furthermore, if you consider this problem from another angle, your family members can benefit from it at the same time. Especially when you are the youngest child in your family , your parengts may feel lonely and even a little upset if you want independence from then and decide to leave them as soon as possible. In addition, you can help your sisters or brothers with their homework and even act as the owner of the family and make most of the decisions. That can be the best evidence to show that you are an independent person.

All in all, since that there are so many advantages of living with families, I am agree with the idea that the young adults had better not leave their families immediately.
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Feb 29, 2012   #2
Hi :) I have a few suggestions:

You say a lot of "firstly" "thus" "furthermore", etc. When you say these things, you are using up space that you could use for more content. Also it sounds more professional to write the statement matter-of-factley instead of introducing each idea with things like "that's to say".

Also, the first paragraph would look more attractive if it was not just one sentence.

Firstly, The reason whythat I say this is because thatas young adultswe can still be independent even thoughwethey live with ourfamily .

If you makeall the every decision by yourself, and earn theyour own money by yourself as well as maintain the daily life by yourself , you haveare already be independent even you still live with family .


Home / Writing Feedback / As an young adult people, we can still be independent, even when we live with our families.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳