Young adults should be allowed to decide their profession on their own ; IELTS

Question: Young people should be allowed to decide their profession on their own or Parents to should take care of choosing profession for them. Which one is the best thing do you feel?

There was a time when young people take up their family business or professions. However people had undergone much more social changes which leads them to explore the world thoroughly. Seeking for opportunity all over the world is the current fact which we cant deny.

Nowadays, youg people are having wide range of knowledge about the current market trends. Due to the advent of satellite television and internet, the workd has become a "Global Village" and people can get access to any part of the world with their gadget in hand.Based on the above said exposure to the present generation, it is always worth ti let them decide their own future and help them excel in their chosen profession.

Besides having good earing and secure living, young people cannot taste the fruit of self satisfaction and happiness through the obliged professions until otherwise. To provide you the real benefit of releasing young generation on their own, the best example to cite, look at Sachin Tendulkar who is called as master of cricket world has not yet completed his schooling yet. In addition, think about Bill Gates, a richest man in this world, has not holding any degree with him.

In contrast, industrialist Ambani brothers in India who chose to take care of their family business, also become successful in their career. By viewing on above said examples, it is clear that without the real interest within them should let them to achive this great success. Nevertheless, parents can faciliate their children to identify the opportunity around them and help them to get a clear perspective of their goal.

As a whole, in my opinion, parents should show way to young people to face their future and always provide moral support to nuture future generation for the benefit of the society. Young minds should pay attention to take the advantage of parent's knowledge from experinence and proceed on their own to choose profession which suits well.

I would be grateful if someone could evaluate my essay and let me know how to improve. Thanks.

Here is my advice and notes below:
I would have a more catchy first sentence. Also, change nowadays to today. I think you also need a stronger argument and clearly state how you back it up and your points.

. I am having IELTS exam on coming Saturday. Unfortunately I was not aware of this online forum so far. Kindly help me to improve my writing as much as you can through your feed backs. Thanks.

Thanks for your reply lilyraquel52
Is it possible for you to evaluate my sentence making on this essay and highlight the do's and dont's accordingly?

Firstly, you have many spelling and grammar mistakes in your essay. I would suggest copy and pasting it into a word editor with spell checking abilities so you can correct them :)

Thank you very much Essayman. I have done as you said by pasting in MS WORD and I am able to identify my mistakes. Almost everything is careless mistakes while typing with respect to spellings. Could you please point out the grammer mistakes in specific which will help me a lot. Thanks.

You must maintain one tense throughout the sentence.
I would suggest you to write a shorter introduction that introduces your topic very briefly and presents your opinion to the reader. You should spend more time in the body paras explaining the reasons for your opinion and supporting them with examples.

Thanks Duminda. Understood. Any other suggestions? I will prepare and post another essay keeping time limit mind and the above said suggestions in mind. Kindly evaluate. Thanks again.

Hai..

Arun...
Give a clear opinion in your introduction..
Clear arguments..i think little bit weak yours..

Last moment i dont want give u more tensions. Questions are repeating as per my experience. So cover as much as essays as possible if u need more drop ur id.

All the best..
Tessy

Thanks Tessy. Will take in my mind for the next essay. Kindly provide me your genuine feedback. no matter if it is good commends, then only I can shape my writing as far as I could.

Hope you can understand. Need all your help for the next five days without fail. Thanks again.

hai
Arun...

Post your essays..
We will see as much as possible..
Prefer recent exam questions..
Concentrate on time..

All the best
Tessy.