Young adults should learn to become financially responsibleSECU

Thank you in advanced for reviewing my essay. I need more grammatical help then anything, but any help is greatly appreciated.

PROMPT: Recent innovations and new technology, like "EMV chip" credit cards, Google Wallet, PayPal, Amazon 1-Click smart phone card readers, and Near Field Communications, make it easier than ever before to purchase items. How can young adults learn to be financially responsible in this evolving environment? Please detail how you deal with these new electronic channels and how you feel new technologies will change your purchasing habits.

750-1000 words... I'm in the upper 400's

Wow, it is easier then every to fall through a financial sink hole today than ever before. High speed transactions and extremely easy/efficient mediums of transaction are acceptable and available everywhere nowadays. Yea it's great, but there are definitely some harmful fallout/after effects of this high speed age of virtual interaction. I own a credit card- well really it's a debit card -I have a PayPal account and an amazon prime account and really all this new technology reaps plenty of benefits for me, but I know that with a little less self-control and temperance these nice innovations can become some very damaging and fiscally crippling monetary tools.

First things first, for young adults to learn to become financially responsible nowadays they must not be rushed into the growing market of consumption and spending. They need to be on the road to personal independence before financial independence should/can be awarded to them, but moving on young adult (around my age) should really learn to control their spending habits. Often times my parents and grandparents tell me stories from their childhood. Growing up in a different country my parents along with most other people could barely afford a loaf of bread. You bought what you needed and you saved the rest. Now that does sound a bit extreme, but there's a transparent point being made here, that you should not buy what you could go without. Don't become a shop-aholic and buy something you'll use once and throw away later. It's spending temperance and with easy access to so much "stuff" online people really seem to lack it. When I want to buy something new, like the pair of shoes I just bought, I think to myself - how many times am I going to wear these, basically is it a good investment. self-control, it can be learned through a little practice, and In general it is a necessary skill for all young adults to learn if they want to grow to become financially responsible adults.

My parents didn't only use whatever money they could to buy what they needed, they saved the rest. The most important lesson necessary to becoming a financially responsible adult is that, money does not always has to be spent. Saving money in a savings account or long term CD can reap the most benefits. By depositing your money in something other than a checking account you remove the easy accessibility that credit cards and PayPal accounts provide for you and sometimes just the difficulty of withdrawing funds can remove the temptation to spend them....(I'm still thinking about the ending)

Hi there. Some grammatical suggestions for you regarding first opening paragraph:

Opening sentence: Instead of using the word "Wow" use an exclamation mark to get the point across. You have also doubled up on the "ever before" bit.

Wow, it is easier then everyever to fall through a financial sink hole today!than ever before.

High speed transactionselectronic channelsandare extremely easy/efficient transaction mediums of transaction s areandare acceptable and available everywhere nowadays.

I would avoid using slang words like "really". You can keep the writing tone conversational without using words like "really".
Also, I was confused as to whether your card was a credit or debit card - aren't they both different cards?

I own a credit card- well really it's a debit card -I have a PayPal account and an amazon prime account and really allalthough this new technology reaps plenty of benefits for me, but I know that with a little less self-control and temperance these niceconvenient innovations can become some very damaging and fiscally crippling monetary tools.

.... I think you better avoid slang forms


... debit cards and credit cards two different card types. I think this sentence does not make sense due to that reason.


.....but I know that with a less self-control and temptation, these attractive innovations can become very damaging and can even cripple monetary tools.

High speed transactions and extremely easy/efficient mediums of transaction are acceptable and available everywhere nowadays

high speed transactions through a variety of different mediums are available to the public