this is one of the questions in the past years o-level paper - Dreams.
Images flashes in front of me, each glowing with an eerie white light. A blue balloon, a young boy with a lady, a river and a red sports car. The images were blurry and always kept changing. For an unknown reason, I felt terrified as I watched. It always was in the same sequence, the same people and the same images. It was always the same dream. It was then I felt myself falling forward that I jerk awake from my slumber, breaking away from the endless repeating torture.
I sat upright on my bed, panting with sweat dripping sown my forehead. I try to clam myself down, but my heart refused to stop thumping furiously. Feelings of anguish, sadness and frustration crept into my heart as I held myself and cried. For how long? I thought, how long must this continue? With no one I could seek comfort in, I embraced my pillow and huddled in a corner, crying myself back to sleep.
The dreams started a few weeks ago and kept repeating and never changing. If it did, it only became clearer. I never had a peaceful night since then and bags formed under my eyes. Overtime. I felt afraid to sleep but nonetheless gulped down sleeping pills and slept. My body needed the sleep. That was the excuse. Falling back into unconsciousness, the same dream appeared again.
It was a hot afternoon, when I walk down a busy street, hunting for a birthday present for my friend, that I met him. He had a booth along the street with a banner that shouted "get your fortune told now!" It did not particularly attract my attention, however, the man called out to me. "Hey missy, you having the same dream over and over again?" the deep voice said.
I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at the man. A grin spread across his face. He told me that some people could see dreams that foretold the future and my dreams could be one of them. It could be a happy event or a sad event, or one that can change my life forever. The man advised me to stop rejecting the dreams. It could be warning me about an event that will take place in the near future. At night I slept, and the dream appeared again.
The next morning I set out to buy groceries for my Aunt. I walked through the park, beside the glittering river and a pair of mother and son walked past me giggling. I did not pay any special attention to them. Just them, a red sports car came speeding towards me. I did not have any time to react. I heard a scream and saw a blue balloon flew into that similar cloudless blue sky.
I felt nothing but pain as I laid on the ground, unable to move. It was then it dawned on me. The blue balloon, the young boy with a lady, a river and a red sports car.
"Those dreams could be warning you..." the deep voice resounded.
I fell into the dark abyss, never resurfacing again.
Hei Gladys! :D
I really, really like your writing style. I loved the level of detail you put into some of your metaphors and the way you build up on the suspense at the beginning.
Below are some suggestions. Again, you're a really good writer! Keep up the good work! :D
Images flashes in front of me, ... -- Or: "Image flashes ...", but then you need a predicate.
I sat upright on my bed, panting with sweat dripping d own my forehead. I trytried(/would try) to clam myself down, ...
The dreamshad started a few weeks ago and kept repeating and never changing. If it did, it only became clearer. -- For a better flow I'd change this into: The dreams had started few weeks ago and kept repeating, changing at times only to become clearer.
..., the same dream appeared(/would appear) again. -- I don't know why, but "would" always makes things far more abstract than they should and right now, that's good, imo.
It was a hot afternoon, when I was walking down a busy street, ...
...a banner that shouted: "G et your fortune told now!"
Throughout the fourth para you build up such a devastating amount of suspense ["Who the fuck is this man with a deep voice?" I wonder.] and then in the fifth you let it all crash into some "math-prompt" like explanation. Definitely work on mystifying that para, because to be honest, afterwards I don't have the same urge as before to finish reading. And we don't want that! :p
... a pair of mother and her son walked past me giggling.
Just then , ...
... [I] saw a blue balloon flewflying into that similar cloudless blue sky. -- Now, the present continuous does something special here. It adds the detail of your character contemplating the event which adds something to the narrative. With this little change that last para-sentence about him coming to realize what his dream meant could be left out. This is jut a though though.
"Those dreams could be warning you_ ..." the deep voice resounded.
hehe... thanks for your praise! though i do think i need to work on my language more...
anyways thank you , no, Thank YOU for the suggestions that you've made! i'll take note of it!
Hi, Gladys.
Love the vivid descriptions in your essay.
I think you have a strong introduction and i especially love your ending. The line, "i fell into the dark abyss, never resurfacing again" gives a haunting end to the essay.
thks thks!!i was aiming for a spooky and mysterious atmosphere for the whole essay, wonder did i achieve that? nevertheless, thank you for reading it!
I really love the ending. ! Awesome job i enjoyed reading this. ! (:
