Young members of a society wants independence from their parents

Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

independence from a family

Young members of a society hold different social norms as to when to get independence from their parents. Some youngsters prefer to get independence as soon as they can while others would like to spend more times with their families before their independence. In my opinion, young people who prefer to become self-sufficient quicker will benefit the most and have a better life afterward.

The young individuals who prefer to leave their parents and live on their own will learn how to stand on their feet faster. In order to live alone, they have to pay their own expenses and to do that they obliged to find a job in the first place. Therefore, they get a job as soon as they leave their parents house which makes them independent financially. In addition, these young people need a place to live and since they abandoned their parent's house they will rent an apartment or a condo. Having a job and renting a place shows them as a person who stands on his/her feet without their parents help.

The youngster can have a lot more fun when they live on their own. For example, they can arrange trips that they had not have the chance before like camping in the middle of a jungle for a month. In addition, they have the chance to invite their friends whenever they want. This is not possible while you live in your parent's house. For instance, when my friend rented an apartment on his own, we could work on our project together more often.

Being independent can provide a situation that you can help your family in many ways. For example, when my friend left his parents to live in a foreign country, he could help his father to have a special heart operation abroad. Furthermore, since he has a good financial situation, he can spend more time with his family in a year.

The aforementioned points convinced me that it is much better for youngsters to get independence from their families as soon as they can. In this way, they can learn how to have a life on their own, more fun activities, and oddly enough they might have the chance to help their parents.

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You did a good job to exprss yourself clearly, and the logic of the whole essay even the consructure of the sentence are quite nice.

But first, i think youngsters is not a perfect word to discribe the youth people, if you revise it to the youngest generation would be better.

And you use the "stand on thier feet " twice times in the paragrah 2, maybe self-reliance can be another chioce. Repeat the same words is not a good idea.

The last, the conclusion is not specific enough, such as you write too less point view to connect and suppot your opinin what you mentioned in the first paragragh.

Behzab, your opening paraphrase is alright. The problem, is that your first sentence introduces a discussion fact. Discussion facts should not come in until you begin the actual discussion in the 2nd paragraph. The opening statement must limit itself to simply the presentation of facts from the original prompt in a new manner. If you remove the first paragraph and instead, divide the second sentence into 2 parts, rather than having the run-on sentence that exists at the moment, you would have completed the 3 paragraph minimum requirement for that part of the essay and also gotten a higher TA score in the process.

All of your supporting discussions are alright. However, you should have used the "I am convinced" reference at the start of the 2nd paragraph instead of as part of the concluding statement. The concluding statement is not the place where you can reinforce personal opinions. That is only supposed to summarize the discussion and reiterate your personal opinion at the end. The more appropriate conclusion is:

Being aware of the aforementioned points, it is easy to understand why living independently is the better choice. I believe that by living away from their parents, young people become more responsible individuals sooner rather than later. That is why I support this opinion with regards to this discussion topic.

Overall good read, there are few sentence construction errors for which I would like to give suggestions:

1st paragraph:
... become self-sufficient quicker in the early stage of their life will benefit the most and would have a better life afterward in future.

2nd paragraph:
... and to do that , they obliged to ...

... leave their parents house , which makes ...