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An IELTS Task 2 about Young vs Old leaders

Tunanut 6 / 12 5  
Nov 15, 2018   #1
Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

the age of leaders

It is true that today the leadership roles are prevalently held by senior staff members in many organizations. While some argue that young employees should be promoted instead, I believe that the old are more cut out for managerial jobs.

An indisputable reason for the outstanding competence of old people is their enriched experience. In a company, those who have many years of service under their belt often understand the organization and its business the most. They know what are the traps in the business and how not to fail, and such understanding is vital to the survival of a company. Young members, on the other hand, are not only new to the job but also are usually regarded as risk-takers. This is to say, there are chances that a young leader can drive the company out of business with some of his bold, half-baked ideas.

Another advantage of seniority is the ability to win others' approval, which plays the pivotal role in the success of a leader. Most of the time when an old man raises his voice, people would pay their undivided attention, and this is hardly achievable if the speaker has only a few years of working experience. Young people, on their way to leadership, must dedicate tremendous amounts of energy and time making contributions to prove their worthiness, so that people can trust and give them full support.

In conclusion, I hold the view that young people should be promoted with consideration. In long run, it is more sensible to hold the aged members in charge of leadership.

Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Nov 16, 2018   #2
Nguyen, this is a highly insightful essay that I believe is very much on point to getting at least a 6 overall score. The reason why this essay did not get a 6.6, in my opinion is because you did not appropriately respond to the question given in the original prompt within your paraphrase. You must also respond to the question given using the word choice for response originally given. In this essay, the word choice response is agree or disagree. There is no question about what you believe therefore, you response statement should have been:

I disagree with the opinion that youthful leaders could be more beneficial to a business due to several factors.

You need to refer to the original discussion in your thesis paraphrase by using the keyword from the original question. That shows a clear understanding of the given instruction and a degree of analysis provided based on the existing discussion topic. It will be sure to drive your TA score higher.

Your reasoning paragraphs are sound and logical. Those are very well written and presented paragraphs of the complex nature which are sure to increase the GRA score of your essay along with the C&C requirements. Your LR may also score well since you obviously have a clear understanding of English words, its meaning and how to use it in a sentence.

One mistake in your essay though, your concluding summary did not really pass the summary presentation. It lacks a presentation of the prompt, your opinion, and your reasons in summary form with an accompanying closing sentence. That is at least 4 sentences in total that could have further increased your TA score.
OP Tunanut 6 / 12 5  
Nov 16, 2018   #3
Thanks so much Holt. Your comments are life savers to me.

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