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Young people VS goď˝-ď˝...ď˝'nmď˝...nď˝"


valency 8 / 10  
Dec 2, 2012   #1
Some people think that young people are not suitable for important positions in governments of countries. Others argue that young people have new ideas in these positions. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Recently, youngsters are increasingly popular in government sectors with important responsibilities. Some people assert that the younger generations are unsuitable for those positions since they tend to be less skilled. Nevertheless, other people perceive their creativity as beneficial in resolving the difficulties encountered by the government.

There is no denying that the younger generations tend to behave in an impulsive and imprudent way to deal with controversial issues, and this is especially detrimental when it comes to handling pressing tasks in government departments. The major responsibilities for the administrative organs should be guaranteeing a harmonious society and tackling conflicts at the best interest of citizens. As distinct from the grew generation, youths are commonly perceived as inexperienced. Specifically, a lack of practical experience could result in a failure to perform their tasks efficiently, especially when they encounter unexpected events. This inevitably weakens the public image of the authority. In light of this, youths are not competent for the positions in governments.

Nevertheless, young officials' superiorities in government departments could be justified. This is primarily due to their creativity and open-mindedness. It is widely recognized that the task in the authority could be extremely complicated and troublesome while the workload is overwhelming. However, youngsters are likely to tackle issues from different angles and demonstrate more tolerance to respect people from diverse racial and cultural backgrounds. This in turn instills vitality and momentum in the working environment, thereby facilitating their work efficiency.

In brief, youngsters lack experience but have their advantages in addressing issues creatively. However, those significant positions in governments should be performed carefully by people with rich experience and down-to-earth attitude rather than job cookies like youths.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 2, 2012   #2
Recently, youngsters are increasingly popular in government sectors with important responsibilities. Some people assert that the younger generations are unsuitable for those positions since they tend to be less skilled. Nevertheless, other people perceive their creativity as beneficial in resolving the difficulties encountered by the government.

Your introduction has a few issues; First, it presentation needs improvement to be more catchy to the reader. Second, you have not stated your opinion on this argument. It is important to state what side you take in the introduction itself that would earn marks for you for this task.

My suggestion;From recent, in many countries, young people make a significant presence in their governments. While some people argue that they are not suitable to hold such high governing positions that require more maturity, others perceive that having young blood is advantageous in resolving issues that need more modern approaches. In my view, I believe there should be a good balance of both young and matured members in a government.
OP valency 8 / 10  
Dec 3, 2012   #3
dumi
hello. thank you dumi, i think you have got your point.
how do you think the rest of my essay ?
please kindly give me some suggestions

Regards
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 3, 2012   #4
Hi Valency,
First, sorry about a typo I did in my previous post; ; )

First, its presentation needs improvement to be more catchy to the reader

:D

Okkkk.... about the body;
Body para 1 : You give many good reasons to show why young people fail meeting the requirements of proper governance. However, you have not included any specific examples to support these reasons.... My advice for you is to limit these reasons to one reason and support that with a specific example.... That is the most prudent way to handle time and earn marks since this task specifically expects you to support your reasons with examples.

It's the same case with Body para 2 as well :D

You display excellent writing skills and excellent vocabulary! .... Make use of your talents and go for a flying score : )
Post as many as essays here and we would provide you with feedbacks : )
OP valency 8 / 10  
Dec 3, 2012   #5
thank you dumi, it is a really good suggestion.

i used to apply the case but some case is not that support for my topic sentence.

i will post the next one, could you please help me check for it? Cause I do think you are the professional !!!
my next one is Media pay too much attention on Celebrities.

Regards

Valency


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