Some young people believe not staying with parents and some believe in staying.

this is my essay for tofel exam can u rate between 1-5 and advice me on mistakes.

Some young people believe not staying with parents and some believe in staying.

In an individual's life the most important phase is his youth. It is believed that a young person usually takes a decision's aggressively which may be of benefiting him or may cause some harm in his future life. Some prefer staying without family that is they like independence. I would always prefer staying with parents and family.

There are some reasons I believe, For a person its most important to feel protected, loved and cared it is one the basic needs of human being in terms of emotions. However a person may have all the material things in life but if the family is missing he may feel lonely. If u ar there with family a person is able to share ups and downs with them .they prove to be helpful and supportive against all odds.

Sometimes we feel they are always there and we don't get required privacy but thlking at can be solved them and also sometimes we should let go thing unnoticed. They advice and help us thinking that they are doing good for us we shud respect that. There are times when we are not financially strong, they can help us in that particular situation also which is very rare to expect from outsiders.

In our day to day life we can share the responsibilities in work . Small small things such as sharing meal, going out for dinner , movie , shopping , vacations etc. There are many occasions and events which can be felt only by staying closer . all these minute but important things builds relationships grow stronger.

All this can be donr by staying independently but closer to the family but in my opinion I strongly beilve that staying together gives a totally different experience and increases hope and positive spirit towards life.

Hello Yats, I hope Maria's corrections are easy for you to understand. Do you have any questions? I also wanted to work with this sentence for you:

According to Maria's feedback:
It is believed that a young person usually makes decisions aggressively, which may benefit him or may cause some harm in his future life. --- this is now correct.

Can you make more corrections based on what Maria said? Is any of this confusing for you?