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IELTS: Young people commiting serious crimes should be punished as adults


ningo 22 / 53 9  
Mar 31, 2014   #1
Topic: Young people who commit serous crimes should be punished in the same ways as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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It is a common belief that every man who put the society's development into negative effects have to be punished rightly by laws, Therefore, some people claim that the young under 18 years old breaking laws by dangerous acts should be charged as the same way for adults. From my point of view, goverment should set up different levels of legislation for young people in the same commits with the older.

Firstly, there is an adverse difference between the young and the older. Adults are those who nearly complete the gowth of their physics and awareness whereas younger ones are still under the improvement and promotion of biological and psychological aspects. This is the reason why the consciouness and problem solving abilities of the young and adults in some situation are different. For example, unlike adults, many teenagers tend to use muscle fights to prove their ideas instead of having joint discussion. It is explained by psychological children consider fightings and struggles as means to show themselves.

In addition, adults are much more mature and independent to choose their ways of living while at the young age, children need to be directed correctly by families and society.. On these days, some parents spend more time at work and have less time to supervise their kids. This is one of the main causes of the increase in social problems involving children. Several parents believe that they can fulfill their positions in children by endless financial support without geting much recoginition on the dark side of money. It leads to the dig into many evil social problems of the young who are not educated and cared enough by their parents.

In conclusion, the disimilarities between adults and the young partly prove the neccessary of making the difference in punishment in the same commit for both adults and the young. To me, it's the humanity to give people the second chance, especially children who still do not complete their aptitue and have awaiting future.

fikri 5 / 317 71  
Apr 1, 2014   #2
this is the introduction that I've got from my teacher here,I've used it for along time and the result shows better than the shorter one. so that, I suggest you to follow this pattern, hope it will work with you

case/issue = use what,who,where,when,why, and how to help you construct the issue
your position/opinion = agree/disagree, advantage/disadvantage, your opinion, your idea, etc
thesis statement = this essay would examine . . ..
this essay would discuss . . . .
Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
Apr 1, 2014   #3
Firstly, there is an adverse difference between the young and the older.

Adverse means in opposite direction. I am not sure how this word fits here

some people claim that the young under 18 years old breaking laws by dangerous acts should be charged as the same way for adults.

In question it was mentioned as young people without age limit defined. Please don't deviate from the topic or narrow down the scope of your essay

young people in the same commits with the older.

--> Same commit in the sense ? good or bad ?

Your third paragraph has some good ideas but need better organization of sentences and pay attention to grammar.
Good Luck for your writing !!!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 1, 2014   #4
Hey, I want to give a you a small, but helpful tip for this writing task. Always leave a blank line between your paras. It helps us understand the paras, for example intro, body paras etc. better. When you have everything in one bunch, it is not so presentable and you would not be able to make a good impression to your examiner. Remember, you need to keep the guy in a good mood to score good marks :D LOL
OP ningo 22 / 53 9  
Apr 1, 2014   #5
It's really helpful to me. Thanks for your comment! :) Can you can give me some repetition for key words: "the young" and "adults". I met an annoying difficulties in finding their collobration! Help me! >.<
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 1, 2014   #6
It's really helpful to me. Thanks for your comment! :) Can you can give me some repetition for key words: "the young" and "adults". I met an annoying difficulties in finding their collobration! Help me! >.<

... Well, I find lots of students have this issue of replacing words :D

You can say "youth", young people
adults, grown up people, elders
But, be careful when using synonyms. Do not use them if they are not appropriate to convey your idea. Choose the most appropriate word and use it to deliver your idea. Clarity is the most important aspect in writing. Be mindful about that :)
Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
Apr 1, 2014   #7
Can you can give me some repetition for key words: "the young" and "adults".

In addition to Dumi's suggestions

Possible alternatives :
Young --> Adolescents, Teenagers, Youth(as dumi said)
Adults --> Matured people. grownup people(as dumi said), elderly people (as dumi said). etc...

Nouns phrases :
Young --> Dynamic young people, energetic younger generation. Present generation people/children
crystal941 6 / 10 2  
Apr 1, 2014   #8
elderly people

I suppose that we can say the elders, the elder people, the elderly, but we can't say the elderly people.

Btw, be careful about youth. You should always remember to put the in front of it.

The youth means people in youth.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 1, 2014   #9
Always leave a blank line between your paras

Yes, she is right.
When you deal with IELTS, the first thing the assessor sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read.

Hence, I too suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.


every man

write 'every person'. I try not use 'sex bias' phrase :D


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