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TOEFL- Young people today are independent on their parents?


Victoria1015 4 / 5  
May 7, 2016   #1
I really want feedback especially about errors in grammar and logic for futher study, thanks a lot!!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Young people today are less dependent on their parents than in the past.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.


Are Young people today less dependent or dependent on their parents than in the past: That is the question. As the time pass by, the economic growth and the first-hand information far more convenient to get; boost the new time to come--the independent generation. In my view, I think young people today are less dependent on their parents than in the past.

First of all, young people today are more rely on their friends than parents. Their friends accompany them in the hardest time. As the great proverb says, ''The friend in need is a friend indeed.'' Friends's company make them less dependent on their parents. For example, they always stand in the forefront, drinking together and spending more time with each other when young people, who just break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend, has a sadness mood. In addition, if young people long to change their hair style or take a trip, they always ask for their friends' advice first, for they have the same life style.

Second, young people today are more easier to acquire various information to learn. Thanks to the internet progress, young people can learn more a lot by themself without parents' aid. According to a recent survey, published on the Time magazine, over 50 percentage of young people through participate in free online courses or watch YouTube videos to solve problems of academic work and advance the major skill. On the contrary, young people in the past had little information to learn. They alone indeed depended on their parents' teaching and answer all questions. Thus, it is because of far more easier to earn information to learn that today's young people are more independent than counterparts did in the past.

Admittedly, many people may claim that young people in the past were more less dependent on their parents. Those who bolster the idea may consider that their parents were poor than today's parents, they cannot continue financial support for their children to serve the housing debt nor go to study abroad, so the young people in the past only depended on their own to reach their goal of life. However, I believe times have changed. Through government's financial subsidy and to win a scholarship of university, young people nowaday can be less dependent on their parents then achieve the conveted life.

Lastly, although young people in the past may depend on their own to do anything, young people nowaday have more resource to facilitate them. Friends' company let today's young people rely on them; information is easier and convenient to gain for young people nowaday. Young people today are more independent on their parents than in the past, after all.

Mike Wong 4 / 3 1  
May 7, 2016   #2
... dependent on their parents than in the past: ? That is the a question. -- Almost the same as the third sentence. Better to remove it.

As the time pass by, the economic growth and the first-hand information far more convenient ... -- Too many errors and sort of confusing. Try to make your ideas clear.

In my view, I think young people today are less ...
-- Better to paraphrase the topic using alternative words, e.g. "... youngsters nowadays have become less reliant on their elder generation than they used to be."
Minh Chau 2 / 4 1  
May 10, 2016   #3
they always ask for their friends' advice first,for they have the same life style

I think this sentence should be changed like: they always ask for their friends's advice first because they usually have the same lifestyle


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