Topic:There is an idea that young people should not learn what the world is doing but what they can do to the world. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Having considerable insight as to how the society function recently promotes the youth's self-development. This essay disagrees that young people put what condition the world is in aside and keep focusing on nothing but their capability. Updating with the world provides better opportunities to understand their inner self as well as puts them at ease to fulfil their potential.
Gaining knowledge about their surrounding helps the young to find real person of who they are. Lacking of orientation towards world's trend, youngsters easily get frustrated and be bitterly disappointed with themselves as for example they could not find jobs. Gradually, they waste their inherent ability and are not able to realise their potentiality. They would get lost in the real world wondering who they are and what they are really doing. Thus bypassing the process of learning about the global issues prevents one from proving himself and his limit.
Young people who grasp the world situation thoroughly could overcome setbacks and enhance the possibility for achievements. Spending time exploring the world means extending "our knowledge of our ignorance" (Karl Popper). For instance, Edison could invent the light bulb for the mankind because he could live in the world without it. He learned the difficulties the society was facing and took advantage of it to create a personal and social accomplishment. Therefore, the movements of every aspect of the world should be regarded as major priorities in education.
In conclusion, this essay supports the idea that the young ought to consider the world's business in order to respect themselves and achieve success. It is recommended that schools encourage students to learn as a subject.
but nothing is written about the importance of studying the youth of world business, you should pay more attention to this and tell more about the impact of schools on the formation of a promising society from a business point of view
Tranh, do not refer to "this essay disagrees" or "this essay supports" as the prompt discussion is asking for your personal opinion on the matter. That means it is alright to use the first person pronoun. Use second and third person pronouns in essays that ask you to discuss public points of view. Whenever you are asked questions such as "To what extent do YOU disagree or agree..." You are required to use various first person references in the essay. By the way, speaking of extent questions, you did not respond with an extent response in this essay. So your TA score will be lower than it could have been if you had provided a measured response. Read the examples of measured response essays at this forum for various examples of how to respond to such a presentation.
You have a few grammar errors in this essay such as the use of the word "of" after the verb lacking. There was no need to use "of" after the verb "lacking" as it creates an incorrect sentence structure and highlights improper grammar control on your part. Use a comma after an introductory element such as "Thus" to create a pause in the reading that allows the reader to prepare for the next sentence discussion.
If you take not of the advised changes in your future practice tests, you should be able to create better mock essays in the future.
I think you misunderstood the meaning of the word "world's business" in the conclusion, or may be I used it in a wrong way =)) Anyway, it means, well, what the world is doing, its meaning is something like "Dont care about it. It's not your business". I think I choose unsuitable word but I dont know how to paraphrase it. Can you recommend another way to paraphrase "what the world is doing"? Thank you by the way.