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Writing task 2 : More and more young people are leaving school but unable to find jobs


PTTu 1 / -  
1 day ago   #1
May you help me to correct my essay and give me some advice, thanks a lot! <3

educated but unemployed...



Question :In many countries more and more young people are leaving school but unable to find jobs. What problems do you think youth unemployment causes for individuals and the society? What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among youngsters?

Hardly can anyone deny the increasing popularity of unemployment of young people in recent years. This essay aims at why to mention impacts and measures to reduce the level of unemployment.

On the one hand, there are a wide range of impacts from the unemployment of youngster, one of which is that unemployment has negative influence on personal finance. In other words, because people do not have jobs, they do not have money. As a result, people can not fulfil their demands. Also, unemployment is the reason why many social issues appear. To be more specific, when the young are unemployed, they tend to break the law to have a lot of money for their demands. This can lead to the fact that society is unsafe. For example, many people in Africa tend to break the law because they do not have jobs.

On the other hand, there are many solutions which decrease the level of unemployment. First, people should educate youth how to work when they are studying in schools. in other words, if pupils study how to work after they graduate. Besides, governments should use more media. to be more specific, media approaches everyone, including the young. This may result in the fact that youngsters get many opportunities to provide more information about jobs.

In conclusion, the problem of unemployment are unemployment has a negative influence on personal finance and unemployment is also the reason why many social issues appear. however, Strong measures such as educating and using media to provide information about jobs could be applied to tackle the situation.

thaithu 3 / 6  
1 day ago   #2
First, your ideas are very good but I can see a low range of vocabulary in this essay. You just use "unemployedment" and "do not have jobs". You can use "the unemployed youngsters", "joblessness" or "unhired people". If you want to ehance your score, you should reduce using "do not", you can replace it by using some adv.


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