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[IELTS]more young people are leaving school and unable to find jobs after graduation


jamliu0229 9 / 24  
Apr 17, 2011   #1
Dear everyone:
I appreciate it if you can check it for me. Thank you in advance.

In many countries, more and more young people are leaving school and unable to find jobs after graduation. What problems do you think youth unemployment will cause to the individual and the society? Give reasons and make some suggestions.

In contemporary society, increasing number of youths is exposed to unemployment, especially to those fresh graduates who burden much expectation by their parents and public.

This thorny issue arouses the concern of the whole society since it affects the future of a society or even a nation.

Originally, most students after graduating from universities or colleges can hunt decent jobs, but this is not the case now. Numerous employing entities, conversely, shut the door to graduates. For this abnormal phenomenon, there are many causes. First, a great many of older staff have not gotten the retirement age; therefore the young students cannot replace their positions. Second, population problem lead to the result that graduates outnumber positions. As a result, many graduates complete one position which mere is a work for an ordinary work. Final, there is not a suitable link between university and workplace. As a matter of fact, when students graduate from universities, most of them have not any practice experience, while it lead to companies cannot employ suitable individuals.

Meanwhile, there also have some solutions to this thorny problem. On one hand, universities should immediately optimize their curriculums in order to supplying the demanding of student and workplace respectively. On the other hand, governments should encourage graduates become self-employed by fund and offering training free of charge. More importantly, companies should afford the opportunities for those youth unemployed, which is also a responsible to the whole society.

In summary, I personally believe that, governments, companies and universities should cooperate together to deal with this severe issue. Likewise, students should improve their own skills, so as to avoid unemployment.

findthetime 5 / 9  
Apr 19, 2011   #2
population problem lead to------overpopulation leads to

while it lead to companies cannot employ suitable individuals----while it leads to...

there also have some solutions to this thorny problem. On one hand---solution, on the one hand.

in order to supplying---in order to supply

encourage graduates to become

which is also a responsible to the whole society---do you want to say "responsibility"? responsible is adj...not n.

I think maybe you need to pay more attention to grammatical problem..
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,339 129  
Apr 20, 2011   #3
use the ed with "burden."

...burdened with high expectations placed on them by parents.

I like the way you used that word, "thorny"...very cool word! I'll make a small change there:
Meanwhile, there also have been some solutions to this thorny problem.

Use the word "responsibility." It is a noun:
...which is also a responsibility of the whole society.

:-)
OP jamliu0229 9 / 24  
Apr 20, 2011   #4
Thank you all for your advice!


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