Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

IELTS:Young people today are more likely to help others than young people in the past


colin 23 / 48 15  
Dec 19, 2012   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today are more likely to help others than young people in the past.

More and more citizens recognize that being helpful is always one of the greatest virtues. While some people argue that youngsters in the past are happy to help others, I believe that the new generation are more willing to offer help than the one before it, for the promotion of first-aid knowledge, advance of technology, evolution of social media and the expansion in volunteer programmes.

Firstly, with the first-aid knowledge having been introduced into class, youths are now more capable of helping others. Nowadays, a youth are able to save a drowning person. However, youngsters might lack the ability to do rescue breathing a decade ago because rarely school set the first-aid course as mandatory.

In addition, since technology is developing, youngsters are more able to help others. Equipped with a smart phone, present-day youths are more able to locate themselves via the GPS system and then call for a rescue crew when youngsters found a wounded person in a remote forest. Instead, a mobile phone was unaffordable for adolescents in the past.

Furthermore, the social media enable youth to pay attention to needy people. For example, if a disadvantaged group ask for help by posting on Tweeter, the information may be forwarded and circulated. Thereby, youngsters, one of the main user of Tweeter, are more willing to help the group. Without social media, it is difficult for a youth to discover the social issue and offer help simply through one-way media.

Lastly, with charity being increasing fashionable in schools, young people are more likely to participate in volunteering organizations in order to help needy people. For example, there is a growing number of college students who tend to become volunteer teachers in the rural areas.

In conclusion, although the predecessors have offered a lot of help to others, today's young people are more willing to help others.
Shirley0426007 6 / 13  
Dec 19, 2012   #2
Personally, I think your conclusion is short, you need expand it.
Second, the sturcture should have 5 paragraph.
Some of the topic sentences fail to express the contrast between the past young people and recent people.

Just some advice
mcuong01 12 / 24 3  
Dec 20, 2012   #3
Dear Shirley0426007,
In my opinion, a good introduction only meets two conditions:
1. Put the prompt in another way.
2. State your general idea.
To get a high grade in IELTS, candidates should pay more attention to the body rather than the introduction and the conclusion.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Dec 20, 2012   #4
While some people argue that youngsters in the past are happy to help others, I believe that the new generation areis more willing to offer help than the one before it, for the promotion of first-aid knowledge, advance of technology, evolution of social media and the expansion in volunteer programmes.

Your introduction contains good points; follows the right structure for this task. However, I feel the above sentence is too long and therefore it makes the reader to put effort to remember things. That is not good : (

You should take the part I have highlighted into another sentence. That helps arrange a beautiful flow of your ideas :)
generation is/ generations are


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS:Young people today are more likely to help others than young people in the past