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IELTS essay - How can young people be made responsible drivers?


kuz7204 2 / 3  
Jul 1, 2013   #1
I'm taking IELTS in a week and I'd like to hear frank opinion about my English level.
Please check :)

During recent decades, major percentage of deaths and injuries was caused by car accidents. Careless youth is considered to be the main source of the problem. Some people claim that the decision could be an early driving education. Personally, I completely agree with that idea.

The main argument for me is that the younger someone is, the better he memorizes information. That is the reason why the most important life skills should be learned at school. It is apparent to everybody as well as the importance of driving knowledge and experience. Therefore it has to become a mandatory lesson for pupils equally with mathematics and physical education. Most teenagers are intended to take special driving courses anyway, so it is obvious that this activity shall have its part in schools' curriculum. But yet, there is another even more significant reason.

Accidents on the roads are principally occurred with a participation of a non-experienced or careless drivers. Some of them drive far beyond the speed limit, others do not pay attention on rules, regardless the dangers. Throughout centuries , youngsters have wanted to express their freedom and independence, and now cars provide such possibility. Those who receive an auto as a present after graduation are most likely to get into trouble as they always have a desire to show their maturity. However, it can be clearly seen that a great deal of them are simply children who are definitely not ready for responsibility.

Nevertheless, these young drivers can be teached properly in order to prevent their carelessness and overconfidence. If they receive these skills from schooll classes, they would be more attentive and respectful to laws in the future. I believe that public's concerns will vanish after making drive courses obligatory in every school.

Shumaila86 11 / 31 9  
Jul 1, 2013   #2
I am also taking IELTS in a few days. here are some suggestions:

I completely agree with that idea.

better also write why you agree with this opinion, for example, 'i completely agree with this idea because most of the accidents are caused by untrained drivers'.

2. your ideas are no doubt very good but are not organized in a way to show how you make your argument valid. for example, first write your main point in the body paragraph, prove it with example and find a solution in final sentence. Do it in second and third, if any, argument and conclude your discussion in last paragraph.

3. I do not write complex sentences and in this way avoid grammatical errors.
4.

the most important life skills should be learned at school.

most important skills are taught at school
5.[

It is apparent to everybody as well as the importance of driving knowledge and experience.

everybody knows the importance of driving knowledge and experience.

But yet, there is another even more significant reason.

you can better use it to start the next paragraph.

Some of them drive far beyond the speed

try this: some of them exceed beyond the speed Rule: Subject+Verb+Object

Those who receive an auto

receive automobile

Hope it helped. Good Luck
OP kuz7204 2 / 3  
Jul 1, 2013   #3
thank you :)
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jul 1, 2013   #4
What is the essay question you're answering? I can't tell whether you've answered the question when you haven't posted the prompt.
OP kuz7204 2 / 3  
Jul 1, 2013   #5
Young drivers are careless and overconfident, and too many are killed in accidents. To eliminate this problem, we could teach children the skills of safe driving while they are at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 1, 2013   #6
You need to post your IELTS essays in "Writing Feedback" forum. Also, have a more descriptive and meaningful topic for your essay. Plus, include your prompt with your essay so that others can provide you with more meaningful feed back.

Careless youth is considered to be the main source of the problem

... this sentence sounds a bit abrupt. Better re-phrase!

, these young drivers can beteached

...."can be taught"
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jul 1, 2013   #7
They want proof that you know how to read, write, and follow directions. Let's take a look at this:

Young drivers are careless and overconfident They put forth a sweeping stereotype. Many adolescents (and adults for that matter) are NOT "overconfident." To the contrary, most are insecure.

too many are killed in accidents No one could disagree, but do their deaths necessarily result from carelessness or overconfidence?

To eliminate this problem, we could teach children the skills of safe driving while they are at school How does this change the personalities of the kids who are "careless and overconfident." Those kinds of kids often do poorly in school anyway. Furthermore, couldn't a kid learn "the skills of safe driving" from a private driving instructor?

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? This is the most important part. Read below:

INTRODUCTION: Should we teach driving at school? (YES or NO)

Each BODY PARAGRAPH would deal with a specific reason why you feel the way you do.
gmad06 20 / 151 55  
Jul 1, 2013   #8
Young drivers are careless and overconfident, and too many are killed in accidents. To eliminate this problem, we could teach children the skills of safe driving while they are at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

this seems to be a good essay prompt, I will do my own revision to give you an idea of a different essay structure


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