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Young people have to move to cities to get a good job.


recycle0509 1 / -  
Oct 10, 2016   #1
In a developing country, what are the advantages and the disadvantages of living in a small village?

Hello everyone, today i have a topic to talk about the advantages and the disadvantages of living in a small village. Here is it. Could someone gives me some advices? please!

Nowadays, people usually tend to live in the city where has more benifits. However, there are advantages and disadvantages to live in the country.
Firstly, let's talk about the advantages when live in a places far from the city. People live in small villages where everyone knows everyone else, they usually garther to talk together. People form strong relationships and they usually support and help each other when they have problems, so they never feel lonely.

Also with a more relaxed way of life, people are more helpful, friendly and generous. They usually take care of each other.
Also the enviroment in the county is also very fresh because it not effected by the industrialization, so everyone has a healthy life.
However, I think there are many of the disvantages. The education is a big problem, children are difficult to go to school because they can't pay for the school fee because most people just work as farmers.

As I said before, there are not many companies or factories so if the young people have ambitions, they have to move to cities to get a good job.

Also, when someone is ill, they cannot access to heath-care because it is a long way to the nearest hospital.
In my opinion, I think people from the country side are happier than the ones coming from city side. However, there are more advantages to live in a big city.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Oct 10, 2016   #2
Hello and welcome to the big family of EssayForum, a big forum to share and discuss everything about writing. Here on EF, all members can contribute and help each other by commenting on their posting, but be careful to not give a meaningless feedback. Now let's have a closer look on your essay. Here are several inputs from me:

- ... in the city where has more benifitsbenefits .
- However, there are several advantages...
- People who live in small villages where everyone knows everyone elseare usually knowing each other , they usually garthergather to talk together.
- However, I think there are many of the disvantagessome drawbacks on living in a village.

You know how to deliver your ideas in your writing which is good, but you need to pay attention to the vocabularies that you use. In this case, there are some words which are repeated in almost every sentence; for example the word "Also". There are several ways to overcoming this issue such as synonym substitution or using transition words. Also, the more you read, the more you will know. Spend more time on reading and you can gain more insights regarding writing and its mechanic. Keep practicing and keep writing. Best regards
fauziyahtami 22 / 38 6  
Oct 10, 2016   #3
Hello everyone, today i have a topic to talk about the advantages and the disadvantages of living in a small village. Here is it. Could someone gives me some advices (uncountable)? please!

==> ... city where has more benifits(benefits) .
==> ... and disadvantages to live in the country. (you already paraphrase the question but try another word) (nevertheless, living in the backwoods brings up several benefits, yet also gives a few drawback)

==> Firstly, let's talk about the advantages(benefits/ merit)(of staying at the countryside)when live in a places far from the city .
==> People live in small villages where everyone knows everyone else(tend to make me confuse)(Inhabitants who live in the backwoods tend to known each other), they usually garther(gather)to talk together(they usually come together for chitchat) .

==> People form strong relationships and they usually support ... (they usually work together/cooperate to help solve any trouble) , so they never feel lonely (thus, they do not to face it alone/ no need to feel so long/ no worries to be lonesome, etc)

==> Also with a more relaxed way ...
==> Also the enviro(n)ment in the county (...) because it not e(a) ffected by the industrialization, ...
==> ... are many of the dis(ad) vantages. The education is a big (huge/ immense) problem, children are difficult to go to school because (...) work as farmers(Children have to confront the adversity of paying tuition fee, due to the fact that most of the villagers work as farmer)

As I said before(according the drawback above) , there are not many (a few/ fewer) companies or factories so if the young people have ambitions, they have to move to cities to get a good job.(make this sentence more easily to understand)

==> Also , when someone is ill, they cannot access to heath care because (since, caused by, for) it is a long way to the nearest hospital.(The nearest hospital is far away from the village/ it takes hard effort to reach the hospital/ it is miles away from backwoods)

==> In my opinion, I think people from the countryside are happier than the ones coming from cityside (metropolis) -->how could you say that? give some explanation to strengten your opinion, by using paraphrase of the statement before) . However, there are more advantages(many / the adventages of living in the big city overweigth the diasdventages) to live in a big city.

*You didn't give any example at least once for each paragraph.
*Your paragraph didn't clear. when the next passage starts, there's no sign. at least give some space (enter)
*You often mention "also" --> furthermore, moreover, in addition, on the other hand, on the one hand, on the other word and many else

*You didn't mention the conclusion of your statement. The conclusion is a must for IELTS writing task 2
*some sentence is unclearly mention--> give some explanation

Good luck and keep writing :)
clone0509 - / 1  
Oct 12, 2016   #4
You should give an example at least once for each paragraph.
Spend more time on reading.
Keep writting!


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