IELTS TASK 2: YOUNG PEOPLE SHOULD TAKE A JOB BETWEEN SCHOOL AND UNIVERSITY

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university.
discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

Some people say that school leavers should find a work before they go in a university. This will bring benefit toward the graduated students, especially in their personal growth and skill qualification. However, work after leaving the school can affect them in some negative ways.

To be part and parcel, work experience is one of the important requirement that young people must to have. Having a job after graduate from school will help them their mature and teaches them to live by their own. Taking japan as an example, where most of students there enroll for a job while they still in senior high school and continue until they leave the school and get in a university. As a result, japan has a good quality of human resources. In addition, most companies believe that work experience is important skill that someone needs as his qualification when taking a job. In fact, someone will have a better opportunity to be accepted in a corporate if they have the related work experience toward the offered position.

However, young people who take a job for a few years before go to university will face some problems. First, too long being in a profession will reduce their desire to continue their desire to continue their study to higher degree. This cannot be called as positive, since young people still need to improve their knowledge which will support them to have another better job for them. Next, for them who take a degree in university after years leave the school for work, have a bigger possibility to face some problems when they back for learn. They tend to forget the basic knowledge which had been taught in school, so they will find it more difficult to learn.

In conclusion, it is justified to say that take a job for a few years between school and university will create some lacks, as it would decrease young people's spirit to continue their study and make it harder for them to back for learn after leave the school for years. On the other side, work skill is needed as an important qualification to enroll for a profession in a company and teach them to live by their own.

However, work TO WORK OR WORKING after leaving the school ...

... work experience is one of the important OF THE MOST IMPORTANT requirement that young people must to have.
... will help them their mature TO BE MORE MATURE and teaches TEACH them to live by their own. T
... enroll for a job while they still in THEY ARE STILL IN senior high school and continue CONTINUING until they leave ...

... to be accepted in a corporate if they have the related work experience toward the offered position. WORK EXPERIENCES RELATED TO THE JOB THAT THEY WANT

... a job for a few years before go GOING to university will face some problems. First, too long being in a IF THEY ARE TOO LONG profession TO WORK, will reduce IT WILL REDUCE their desire to continue their desire to continue YOU STATED IT TWICE their study to higher degree. This cannot be called as positive POSITIVE EFFECT, since young people still ...

Next, for them FOR THOSE who take a degree in (...) problems when they back for TO learn. They tend to forget the basic knowledge which had HAVE been taught in school...

... harder for them to back for learn LEARNING after leave LEAVING the school for years.

Having a job after graduate from school will help them theirmore mature and teaches them to live by their own. Taking jJapan as an example, (...) they leave the school and get ingoing to university. As a result, jJapan has a good quality of human resources.

In fact, someone will havesa better opportunity to be accepted ...

uncommon chunking word.


quote=Riiskacha03]Having a job after graduate from school will help them their mature and teaches them to live by their own. (vague sentence, rewrite please)

Taking japan as an example, where most of students there enroll for (get) a job while they (are) still in senior high school and continue until they leave the school and get in a university. (too long sentence, and lack of clarity)

As a result, japan has a good quality of human resources.

In addition, most companies believe that work experience is important skill that someone needs as his qualification when taking a job. In fact, someone will have a better opportunity to be accepted in a corporate if they have the related work experience toward the offered position.[/quote]

1. probably before writing an essay make sure you've analazed the question and task
2. please, plan what you are going to say, perhaps you can make a mind mapping.
3. double checks for some grammatical errors and spelling.

your writing needs improvement if you wanna get high score. read IELTS band description for writing task 2.