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The younger children need some help from their parents to complete their homework efficiently; IELTS


jobymonpj 8 / 17 1  
Jul 28, 2016   #1
Q. MANY PARENTS THINK THAT IT IS GOOD TO HELP CHILDREN IN THEIR HOMEWORK,BUT OTHERS THINK THAT PARENTS SHOULD NOT DO IT AND ITS THEIR OWN DUTY.

DISCUSS BOTH AND GIVE YOUR OPINION?


The salad days of third millennium have witnessed the transformation in student's homework. Nowadays, they are supposed to solve complex issues and produce lengthy assignments at home as part of their curriculum. So there is no surprise that why many parents are of the opinion that helping children in their homework is essential and necessary and in my view, children, especially the younger ones should be helped in doing their homework, while teenagers and college goers should be allowed to do them by their own.

On the one hand, there are tangible evidences to assert that the younger children need some help from their parents to complete their homework efficiently and effectively. Firstly, in this modern era, even primary class students have numerous subjects to study and consequently a lot of work to do at home. Most of these so called 'home work' is very often really difficult to execute. For example, in India, students at class four or five are required to write a detailed report about waste management. It seems to me that without some help from parents regarding how to dispose waste, what are harmful to human beings and or environment ,it would be extremely difficult for these students to produce a written report. therefore parental help has paramount importance in younger students' homework.

nevertheless, there are some drawbacks associated to helping offsprings in their homework as argued by many. In their opinion, such help would lead them to depend more on parents. They may not pay much attention at school thinking that parents would do their homework at home .Besides, teenagers are capable of doing their homework or any assignments given to them in school. They know how to use resources such as the internet and newspapers in order to find relevant information for their given task. Any parental involvement may results in damaging self esteem or enthusiasm of these pupils.

In conclusion, both views have their own merits and demerits so it is really important for parents to involve in their children's homework cautiously ,whereas helping younger ones have immense benefits.

I completed this essay in 40minutes and no changes have made then. please help me to find my mistakes.

twid 4 / 8  
Jul 28, 2016   #2
... solve complex issues and produce a lengthy assignments at home ...
... while teenagers and college goers(collegian) should be allowed to do them by their own.

Most of these so called 'homework' is very often really difficult to execute.
... to human beings and or environment, it would be (...) to produce a written report(write-up) . tT herefore parental help has paramount ...

nN evertheless, there are some drawbacks ...
... parents would do their homework at home.

Note: It's nice write-up.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 28, 2016   #3
Hi Jobymonpj, the detailed descriptions below are my contribution towards your essay. I hope you can follow through.

1st paragraph:
- Don't you realize that this very-long-but-complicated-and-confusing-sentence is just a single sentence? "So there is no surprise that why many parents are of the opinion that helping children in their homework is essential..............by their own." One of the ways to avoid getting band 5 is that you need to reduce your errors related to grammatical range and accuracy. Remember that one of the criteria in band 5 mentioned that "attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences" . Therefore, composing sentence structure that you've already mastered or understood would be better approach for the next practice.

2nd paragraph:
- You can check by proofreading your essay thoroughly in this paragraph. Instead of complex sentences' errors, I think that it is better for me to remind you about capitalization usage. Typing and handwriting are different. If you cannot type (typing) by using appropriate capitalization and punctuation, how can you write by your hand (handwriting). Just be careful, punctuation and capitalization are one of the criteria in deciding the IELTS score. For instance, "....students to produce a written report. thereforeTherefore, parental help".

3rd paragraph:
- You have the same issue as above-mentioned feedback i.e. punctuation problems.

4th paragraph:
- I've found another complex-but-inaccurate-sentence. My suggestion for writing a proper conclusion is that in the first sentence you can paraphrase your thesis statement in introduction paragraph. Then, in the second and/or third sentence you can write a recommendation, hope, or fear of the future. This indicates that you have broaden issue about the topic that is currently discussed without mentioning a new matter or idea.

Hope this helps :)
OP jobymonpj 8 / 17 1  
Jul 28, 2016   #4
Hai ichanpants,
Thank you very much for your valuable observations.I have been trying to get a 7 band in my writing for years.In my previous attempts,I managed to score 6.5 in writing all the time,while other scores where 7 or above.So hopefully you can understand why I try really hard to impress my examiner.

So there is no surprise that why many parents are of the opinion that helping children in their homework is essential and necessary and .In my view, children, especially the younger ones should be helped in doing their homework, while teenagers and college goers should be allowed to do them by their own.

PLEASE HAVE A LOOK AT THE ABOVE SENTENCE WHETHER IT IS GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT NOW?

In conclusion, both views have their own merits and demerits so it is really important for parents to involve cautiously in their children's homework cautiously ,whereas helping younger ones have immense benefits.

please correct my mistakes by pointing out the exact mistake

i would be grateful if you could specify the mistakes I made so that I can Iimprove
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 29, 2016   #5
I would like to say thank you for appreciating my feedback above. It is nice to see the fighting spirit of yours in order to achieve band 7 in IELTS writing. My suggestion is that you need to think like an examiner, so that you should always practice by using band descriptors as your guidance. You can download the pdf in the link below

- ielts.org/~/media/pdfs/writing-band-descriptors-task-2.ashx

With regard to your question about grammar, you can see the detailed corrections below:

- SoThus , (comma needed because this is a cohesive device)thereit is no surprise that why many parents (...) is essential and necessary. and . In my view, children, (...) should be helped by their parents in doing their homework (comma is unnecessary) while teenagers and college goers should be allowed to do themdo that by their ownthemselves .

- In conclusion, both views have their own merits and demerits(this just only restate not conclude. many IELTS candidates are stuck on this one) , so that it is really important for parents to involve cautiously in their children's homework cautiously , whereas helping younger ones have immense benefits.

Instead of writing a conclusion like yours, I would like to show you the example of a well-developed conclusion:

In conclusion, while the benefits of helping children for their homework allow students to cope with the difficult tasks from the teacher, some still feel that people should let them work by themselves. However, as long as we are careful to guide them continuously, they are more likely to achieve success in the future.


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