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Should the youngsters have part-time jobs?


aleafsun 9 / 19  
Aug 11, 2011   #1
Hey, everybody,
Thank you for your time on my essay. Your comments are very important to me, so please leave some ideas to me.
Aleaf
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Prompt: In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of piad work. Some people regard this is as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learing and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this? (at 250 words)

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This is a long-lasting debate that if a kid should have a part-time job or not. From my own experience, I would say the benefits for the young generation to start a paid job overweigh the drawbacks for them.

First of all, whatever the age we are, we are all eager for independence as it is our very nature. Taking a general kid as an example, one of his biggest dreams might be growing up by which no one will stop him from whatever he likes to do. But the question is that how people can be in charge of their lives while they do not even have economic independence?

Secondly, without effort-consuming, people tend to disregard what they have. For example, to be a fashion-leader of their classmates, purchasing new staffs constantly is quiet popular among the young generation. It is not them who can afford it but it is their parents who will foot the bill. To decline the wasting behavior, we need to let them know that everybody needs to pay for what they want.

Thirdly, by virtue of the fact that experience is the best teacher, learning from working might be the best vehicle for young people to obtain practical knowledge.

For instance, knowing how to babysit a baby from lectures is totally not to be compared to babysit a real baby. No one wants to hire a babysitter who only has knowledge from textbooks.

To sum up, while critics assert that little kids should not be involved in paid jobs, for the above reasons, I still contend that both school education and working experience to which should be paid equal attention.

hvthoteen 16 / 44 4  
Aug 11, 2011   #2
"debate that if a kid should" --> debate over whether a kid should

In the first paragraph, you should add your main reasons for your statement

"it is our very nature" --> it is in our very nature

"purchasing new staffs constantly" --> i do not understand what you are writing :d

I feel that writing sentences is not your problem. However, the sentences you write do not clearly show your ideas. That is why i find it difficult to follow your essay

That is my view :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Aug 16, 2011   #3
This is a long-lasting debate that if a kid should have a part-time job or not. I have to reword this for you. Practice using this sentence structure I will show you here:

A long-lasting debate focused on the question of whether a kid should have a part-time job. From my own experience, I would say the benefits for the young generation to start a paid job overweigh outweigh the drawbacks. for them.

Taking a general typical kid as an example, one of his biggest dreams might be to grow up and achieve autonomy that makes it impossible for anyone to stop him from doing whatever he likes to do.

But the question is that about how people can be...

Secondly, without exerting effort, people tend to disregard what they have.---Good point!!

Thirdly, by virtue of the fact that experience is the best teacher, learning from working might be the best vehicle for young people to obtain practical knowledge.----This is a VERY well-written sentence.


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