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Task 2 - Youngsters spend less of their free time with their family nowadays. What are the reasons?

sarinburritos34 2 / 2  
Jul 27, 2020   #1

youth spend less time with their families

With recent technological advancements such as social media, which were made to bring people closer, has now made them more distant than ever. This is true in the case of teenagers and even young adults, who tend to not spend time with their families. This essay will discuss two reasons behind it, and I believe there are more adverse effects of this trend than positive effects.

First, the rising popularity among social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram has caused a strain in the family's homes. In 2017 a study found that youngsters aged 13-22 spent nearly 8 hours a day browsing through social media applications. Youngsters use this as a distraction from being productive and achieving their goals. It affects their grades at school and also prevents having good communication with their parents. To solve this, parents should limit the hours their children can use at home and also spend quality time talking with each other.\

Secondly, most adolescent children get introduced to drugs early on in their teens. Drug abuse among youngsters in American households is more common than any country in the world. It affects their health and causes trauma to family members. It also lowers a sense of responsibility to their existing family and even their future family. To curb this problem, educating kids about drug abuse would immensely help them from becoming addicts.

In conclusion, both social media and drug abuse have led youths to spend less time from their families. This trend has serious negative impacts on people's lives and their families and can only be controlled by educating and teaching family values.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,051 4255  
Jul 27, 2020   #2
Provide the complete prompt next time so that the content of your essay can be reviewed based on the writing guidelines provided by the discussion requirement. As of now, I am not sure if you are properly addressing the discussion requirements due to the seemingly confusing discussion instructions of your essay.

Since the standard instruction for these essays is to have you write the information based on personal experience or knowledge, it would be best to always rephrase information coming from a personal point of view or public perception / knowledge. You should never refer to the information as having come from a researched source. Rather than saying "In 2017 a study..." you could instead say "The common perception is that teenagers spend almost 8 hours a day on their gadgets". Yes, you can make up the information, you should just frame it based on the expected presentation format. That means, no reference to studies or a specific year in relation to "researched information". Use a general discussion, no references for the discussion information, but with gender free pronoun references whenever possible.
Tracy Tram 2 / 6  
Jul 27, 2020   #3
Hi! Your essay is pretty good.
However, i think that you should replace 'youths' by 'teenagers' in the '...both social media and drug abuse have led youths to spend less time.. ' sentence.

It sounds better to me!
MindfulIELTS 2 / 2 3  
Jul 28, 2020   #4
+ children get introduced to drugs --> I think "get introduced" should be "are exposed"
+Your essay is good but you probably need more linking words. you can add "for instance" after the 1st sentence in the 3rd paragraph.
+You can use Not only but also in the 3rd sentence. "It affects their health and causes trauma to family members." --> not only does it .... but it also lowers a sense of responsibility.

All in all, linking words will improve your coheresion.
Huong22082001 1 / 3  
Jul 30, 2020   #5
I think your essay is good, but you should give your experience replacing Other' instance .

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