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Youth crime, reason and solution

tcl1120 9 / 27  
Apr 8, 2019   #1
The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries.
Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

lost teenagers involved in crime

It is considered that the conviction rate among adolescents is drastically increasing all over the world. This phenomenon can be attributed to the advanced Internet and lack of proper guidance, while involvements from government and parents regarding to this issue are indispensable.

Firstly, Internet contains overwhelming information, and teenagers are unable to identify the inappropriate materials due to their immaturity and recklessness. Those improper contents, for instance, would lead teenagers astray and result in committing crimes. One particularly salient example is that juveniles are participating in drug smuggling and prostitution activities due to the promotions of social media. Furthermore, youngsters are often lacking of proper guidance from their parents in the fast-paced lifestyle, and it would advance/deteriorate the situations of juvenile delinquency. Hong Kong is a case in point. Working parents are too busy to educate their children with correct values.

Nevertheless, figures of authority, especially government and parents, shall pay additional effort in dealing with youth crimes. Prevention and deterrence are often considered as viable solutions to avoid youngsters from breaking the laws. Counsel and attentions shall be provided to their children in order to reshape the concepts and practices about committing crimes. Stringent legislation of young criminals shall be imposed to discourage adolescents from committing crimes.

In conclusion, I believe that the surging rate of youth crimes can be contributed by Internet advancement and lack of proper guidance. Education and counselling are likely to be the gate of prevention, while stringent regulation can enhance the deterrence from younger criminals.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Apr 8, 2019   #2
A couple of small revisions on your introductory paragraph:
It is known that the conviction rate among adolescents has been drastically increasing globally. This phenomenon can be attributed to the advancement of internet alongsideits lack of proper guidance -irregardless of the indispensable involvement of the government and parents.

What I did are four key things:
1. Changed all over the world to globally in order to maximize your word count
2. Shifted the phrasing from advanced internet to advancement of internet because it is a continuous phenomenon (not just a point of exit)
3. Changed and into alongside because it is the more appropriate alternative (and is considered as an extension of the phrase whereas placing alongside indicates a somewhat of a simultaneous conflict)

4. Revised the phrasing of the last phrase in the sentence because it can come off as quite confusing
To avoid these issues, I would always tell people that they should focus more on maximizing and optimizing their word count. What I mean by this is what you can focus on looking for shortened alternatives rather than attempting to compress all your words into a single line of thought. By doing this, you are not only doing yourself a favor by not focusing as much on whether or not you have exceeded your word count - rather you are also letting the readers have a breather when it comes to analyzing the content of your essay.

Watch out for your usage of preposition and punctuation as always. Make sure that your placement is where it is appropriate. Simply review your fundamental usage of these particular items.

Apply all of these to the overall structure of your essay.
Best of luck.
OP tcl1120 9 / 27  
Apr 8, 2019   #3
regarding to point #3, I don't understand the usage of alongside. We'll be happy to help again if this thread is Urgent.

Do you mean that I should change the sentence as "advancement of Internet alongside its lack of proper guidance"?

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