Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Youth is wasted on the young

fhmashayekhi 2 / 5  
Sep 2, 2015   #1
TOEFL independent writing task

People are very energetic and creative in their youth. Some of the young people get the most out of these period and use their energy in the best way. However, most of the young waste their precious time and energy because of not defining their goal or being indolent.

The first step to be successful is the determination of goals. When people aims are not specified, they can not manage their time in the best way because they do not find any reason to try hard. Teenagers usually are not completely sure about their future career. Sometimes, they are confused about different paths that they can choose. For example, my friend's parents expected her to study medicine in the college but her interest was in music. This conflict wasted a lot of her time arguing with her parents until she made her decision. Therefore, the lack of specified goal result in the less usage of available energy, intelligence, and time in the youth.

Most of the young people prefer to have fun rather than to work hard. People usually inclined to be with their friends and enjoy going to parties and travel in their youth. In addition, it is very difficult for parents to persuade them to stay at home and study hard or spend time learning a new skill or a new sport. Sleeping is also very enjoyable in these ages. Although having fun is necessary for the young, they often spend time more than necessary for this activity which finally waste their valuable time.

In conclusion, it is considered that the young usually do not completely use their incredible ability to learn and work. This is due to lack of determination of the goals or their intention of having fun and being with their friends.

Rusi11 - / 1 1  
Sep 2, 2015   #2
in introduction you did not write about creativity,, but mentioned it in the first sentence
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Sep 2, 2015   #3
Hi, I can help you with your essay. There seems to be minor errors that can be corrected.

1st paragraph: There are words that need to be deleted: "Some of the young people get the most out of this period..." A good word to use in the last sentence in place of most of the young is "youth". Also, I think you mean "goals".

2nd paragraph: You have good vocabulary but there are many ways to state this first sentence. A better way to end the sentence is "...is to define your goals". Change this part of the next sentence: "When youth's aims are not specified, they cannot..." Change teenager to "Youths". When you give the example of you friend make this slight change: "...study medicine in college, but ..."

The next sentence needs to be revised: "Her decision created conflict and she wasted..." Only some of the next sentence needs to be revised "...specified goals results in less energy..."

3rd paragraph: Use a transition: "Also, most young people..." Use commas for this sentence: They are usually inclined to be with their friends, party, and travel." The next sentence has the same error: "...stay at home, study hard, or spend time..." The following sentence replace in these ages with "during youth". Change the order of words in the next sentence: "spend more time". Waste should be wastes.

4th paragraph: Here are some suggestions: "it is notable that young people usually..." Remember to use "a lack of defining their goals".
OP fhmashayekhi 2 / 5  
Sep 2, 2015   #4
I really appreciate your comments. This helps me alot.

Home / Writing Feedback / Youth is wasted on the young