This is the first time i wrote a arguementative essay, any feedbacks on how to improve the essay?
Many say that the Youths of today are irresponsible. What have they done to deserve such remark? This view mertis consideration and it is debatable.
Youth is a period where young men and women are filled with exuberance, curiousity and the thirst to seek out excitment and fun. Such abullient attitude by the youths is often looked down by their conservative elders, who always criticise the behaviour displayed by the youths as irresponsible. Also, the lack of discipline in youths is conspicuous, as youths chafe at any restrainment that will hinder their search for excitements and new experiences. Many of them have tried smoking,drugs or drinking initially to taste the experience. However, some unconsciously became addicted to it, ending up as heavy smokers, acoholics or drug-addicts, which ultimately ruined their future prospects of good life. This ill-disciplined behaviour illustrated by the youths leads to the compelling criticism of the youths being irresponsible.
However, let us also not to forget it is only the negligible number of youths that fall under this category, most of them are obedient, disciplined and hardworking young people who are willing to work for the better. Talking about responsibility, adults are far from being responsible. Crimes are committed more by the adults than the youths. Bank robbery, serial homicide and raping, were all done by adults instead of youths. Hence it is unjust to generalise that only youths are irresponsible.
Whats really contributed to this uprising criticism of youths is their ideology differences from the adults and elders. The idealistic attitude of the youths contradicts their conservative seniors. The idealism of youths want changes and improvement in their lives, whereas the elders reject changes and prefer to remain in the same situation which they are comfortable with.
The idealism of the youths has been always the catalyst for the improvement of mankind. It was due to the idealism of many young doctors that new medicine are constantly created to save more lives. If they were to become conservative and refuse to change and improve upon themselves, there would not be any medicial advancement.
Hence, it is absurd to generalise all youths as irresponsible by the seniors due to a negligable handful of them. Certainly, not all youths are irresponsible.
Overall a fairly good essay, and a good argument. I like your strong use of language and choice of advanced vocabulary; it really adds to the quality of the essay. A big thing to watch out for is subject-verb tense agreement. There were several times that you used a plural noun with a singular verb or vice versa. There were also quite a few spelling errors--just make sure they don't show up in your final copy! Also, sometimes the order of your words did not make sense, or there were extra articles (a, to, the) that did not need to be there--watch out for these are it makes the paper read better if word order is good. Finally, the conclusion could use a revision. The overall thought it a good one, but I believe that it could be much stronger if it was worded differently and perhaps included another sentence better summarizing the essay as a whole. I've given one possible revision, but again, it could use another sentence or two to make it a stronger conclusion.
Many say that the y ouths of today are irresponsible. What have they done to deserve such remark? This view merits consideration and it is debatable.
Youth is a period where young men and women are filled with exuberance, curiousity and the thirst to seek out excitment and fun. Such abullient attitude by the youths is often looked down upon by their conservative elders who always criticize the behaviour displayed by the youths as irresponsible. Also, the lack of discipline in youths is conspicuous, as youths chafe at any restrainment that will hinder their search for excitement and new experiences. Many of them have initially tried smoking, drugs or drinking to taste the experience. However, some unconsciously became addicted to it , ending up as heavy smokers, acoholics or drug-addicts, which ultimately ruined their future prospects of good life. This ill-disciplined behaviour illustrated by the youths lead to the compelling criticism that youths are irresponsible.
However, let us also not to forget that it is only the negligible number of youths that fall under this category, most of them are obedient, disciplined and hardworking young people who are willing to work for the better. Talking about responsibility, adults are far from being responsible. Crimes are committed more by the adults than the youths. Bank robbery, serial homicide and raping are all done by adults instead of youths. Hence it is unjust to generalise that only youths are irresponsible.
What's really contributed to this uprising criticism of youths is their ideology differences from their adults and elders. The idealistic attitude of the youths contradicts their conservative seniors. The idealism of youths want change and improvement in their lives, whereas the elders reject change and prefer to remain in the same situation in which they are most comfortable.
The idealism of the youths has always been the catalyst for the improvement of mankind. It was due to the idealism of many young doctors that new medicines are constantly being created to save more lives. If they were to become conservative and refuse to change and improve upon themselves, there would not be any medicial advancement.
Hence, it is absurd for adults to generalize that all youths as irresponsible just because a small handful of youths are negligible. Certainly, not all youths are irresponsible.
If they were to become conservative and refuse to change and improve upon themselves, there would not be any medical advancement.
Hence, it is absurd that seniors generalise all youths as irresponsible because a handful of them are negligible . Certainly, not all youths are irresponsible.
I think this essay is awesome , i do agree with some of the above stated comment i also think the following could be fixed
However, let us also not to forget it is only the negligible number of youths that fall under this category,in fact most of them are obedient, disciplined and hardworking young people who are willing to work for the better. Talking about responsibility, adults are far from being responsible. Crimes are committed more by adults than the youths ( i'd say young people ). Bank robbery, serial homicide and raping, are all crimes mostly comitted by adults . Hence it is unjust to generalise that only youths are irresponsible.
